dad, i wish you knew - pipTalk Forums

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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-07-28 03:02 PM

dad, i wish you knew

watching the grass growing fast
holds only so much appeal
when i'm standing above the green hair.
a trim here, a whisper there,
you know what i tell the ants below.

the birds whistle code back and forth,
playing spies and C.I.A. private eyes,
flying away to some far off place.
dreamlands float over my home
with the most graceful of waves,
heaven seems to be in the stratosphere.

the rocks tempt me to walk upon them,
to show what kind of a man i am,
(not much of one since i cry from the cuts).
the sun slaps it's hands on my back
turning the pigments to fire red,
the water cools the flames.

the best wishes i have ever made
came from stars that never existed
and tears that never flowed from my eyes.
i still long to be a child again,
worried only of the weather for a swim,
if that cloud looks like the heaven i search for.

[This message has been edited by young_blood (07-28-2004 05:04 PM).]

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

1 posted 2004-07-28 06:39 PM

I really loved this...

It was peaceful, in an errie sort of way...

Kissa

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2004-07-28 09:30 PM

I liked this, mostly the ending. Leaves a good feeling of the simplicity of a child.... but at the same time kind of bothersome because it reminds you of the complexity of how, with age, comes a lot of responsibility.

I enjoyed the poem.....but like I said, the ending was what connected most to me.

well done.

keep this up bud.

-javi-

I left my wallet in El Segundo...
And I gotta get it
I got got to get it!

Copperbell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 956

3 posted 2004-07-28 09:40 PM

I like this

I really like this (went back to read it again)

it makes me think about my longing to connect, to be known when I was a teen

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2004-07-29 11:16 AM

well, thank you all very much. this one was something a heart bleed for me. there are so many times when i long and wish to be a child again. where my imagination actually thrived and lived every moment of every day. these days my imagination is a sleeping giant, and when it awakes terrible and great things occur. anyway, thank you all for reading this.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

5 posted 2004-07-29 11:24 AM

Don't usually venture into teen...as I have 3 of them...

However, the title pulled at me..and
I am glad it did.

You did good and you show just what kind of caring man you are..

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

6 posted 2004-07-29 02:58 PM

This is very good... I'm impressed.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

7 posted 2004-07-29 09:03 PM

thanks a lot for all of the comments.

blackandwhitehorizon
Member

since 2003-05-05

Posts 183
an akward state of mind

8 posted 2004-08-11 03:10 PM

wow i loved this... to be a child that can study nature and all his surrounds with his imagination and curiousity and live in the bliss of unknowing... this was beautifully written. thanks for posting

"love is but a song we sing and fear's the way we die"

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

9 posted 2004-08-12 10:49 AM

thanks for all the comments guys.

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