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Teen Poetry #7
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Blue Channels And Reflected Bags (Under Your Eyes)
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Blue Channels And Reflected Bags (Under Your Eyes) |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN 
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A fake I.D. fits anyone with no name or face, Place your hands inside of my pockets And reach for the scrap of worth that holds my name... ...Cross my heart and hope to die(in your arms). Prearranged coffins with heart shaped chocolates, Just a present for you... Pay no attention to the news on Tv (they lie their minds away) And you know that any warning won't make a difference. Spit teeth through words coated in desperate measures, A different scale never told the weight of my thoughts. Any night other than this and I would be alone. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
"Just a present for you..." I found the "just" to be unecessary. I really liked the first stanza, I can't say the rest of it quite matches the intigue in those lines. Cross my heart and hope to die(in your arms) AHHH....I really don't like that line. |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
thank you lexy for your honest opinion. i wasn't too sure of this one, it screamed that it had been done before. |
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blackandwhitehorizon Member
since 2003-05-05
Posts 183an akward state of mind |
ah well i can't really pick out anything to critique overall i like this a lot awesome job "love is but a song we sing and fear's the way we die" |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
"A different scale never told the weight of my thoughts." I really liked this line for a hundred different reasons but mostly cause it made me once again stop and think about it, that is what I love most in your poetry. I liked the first stanza as well, great opening it pulls the reader right in. I agree with the first reply though in saying the the cross my heart and hope to die line bugs me, WAY to cliche I would get rid of it...other than that I really liked this poem, well done. ~Live and Laugh~ Don't look to me for perfection for I will surely let you down. |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
I liked the ending, and the first three stanza's, but the beginning didnt really seem to go with the rest of the poem... Karissa I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
thank you all for your comments ans thoughts. it's nice to get negative feedback every now and then. |
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