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Fariegirl
Member

since 2003-02-05

Posts 147

0 posted 2004-04-14 03:00 PM

There are memories to be made,
Tears to be shed,
Friends to meet,
And lives to be led.

Classes to cut,
Quizzes to fail,
Don't worry about it,
You will prevail.

Notes to be passed,
Principals to meet,
No matter what they say,
Don't take your seat.

Standing up to do,
For what you know is right,
And when they say you're wrong,
You'll get into a fight.

Yearbooks to sign,
Even more tears,
So much will happen,
In these four years.

~*Faries exist.*~

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-04-14 05:41 PM

didnt like it. it was way too simplistic in the language. if you are 12 then it is ok, but i am assuming that you are not. the rhyming is too predictable as well. venture out and try using imagery and metaphors. that is a challenge that more poets need to take up. i encourage you to do so. keep writing and posting.
-alex

Fariegirl
Member

since 2003-02-05

Posts 147

2 posted 2004-04-14 06:55 PM

Well, I really loved how straight foward you were, but I do enjoy to hear positive things about my poems, it makes me feel better.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

3 posted 2004-04-14 07:23 PM

Well, if you like hearing positive things then you're in luck. I really loved your poem. About the rhyming, don't worry, everyone does it once in awhile (yes even me!

)

~Alli~

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

4 posted 2004-04-14 07:26 PM

amazing job with this. I'm looking forward to it. (highschool i mean) i'm in 8th right now. like i said, amazing.

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

5 posted 2004-04-14 10:30 PM

wow....nice poem ..keep it upp

::^love^::

xno4everx
Junior Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 14
NY

6 posted 2004-04-14 10:51 PM

nice idea ur tryin to get through...but try to approach it a different way...keep posting though!

//..Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one..\\

a123
Member

since 2004-03-27

Posts 72

7 posted 2004-04-17 05:26 AM

well done...i liked it

a123

Censored
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 86

8 posted 2004-04-28 09:53 PM

I thought it was a fun poem

blackandwhitehorizon
Member

since 2003-05-05

Posts 183
an akward state of mind

9 posted 2004-05-02 08:10 PM

not all poems have to be deep and metaphorical. i love more simple short poems every once in a while. and those can be screwed up with tacky rhyming, but i think you did a good job.

"love is but a song we sing and fear's the way we die"

~*BayBee*~
Member

since 2003-04-09

Posts 65
In The Clouds...

10 posted 2005-07-21 04:40 AM

dang girl... i actually remember when you first wrote that poem! You did a great job! Keep up tha good work and you know im your number 1 fan! (lol)
*Holly*

* shining star*
Member

since 2005-06-29

Posts 76
PA,USA

11 posted 2005-07-21 09:37 PM

great poem. enjoyed

-Smile, it's not a sin.

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

12 posted 2005-07-22 02:03 AM

i enjoyed this and agree w/ blackandwhitehorizon not every poem has to have metaphors and similies in it. but this write was fun.

LOVE NEEDS TO DIE

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

13 posted 2005-07-22 03:15 AM

Well now I thought your poem was simply terrific, and told the story you were trying to get across very well. It was light and fun, and charming!

~* Carpe' Diem *~
Tis only in their dreams that men truly be free, 'twas always thus and always will be. ~ Keating

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