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Teen Poetry #7
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They say
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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They say |
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spritrider87 Member
since 2003-05-31
Posts 294NH |
They say I'm getting better I say it is all an act They say if I tried harder I say I've given all I've got They say I'm to screwd up I say it wasn't a choice They say they know me better I say they don't know diddily They say if I talked more I say i have no voice They say if I stopped fighting I say that's what is keeping me alive They say I dont know anything I say it's all a lie They say I cant handel it I say they didn't give me a chance They say that I am special I say I'm worthless They say I have everyone I say I'm alone They say i'm a lie I say I'm the truth They say... I say... ...someone has to pay And I say that someone is me "i am in troble but no one knows it if you can figure out my messages then help me. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Jian Sterry - All Rights Reserved | |||
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
Wow. Im blown away. This is so awesome, I really love this poem alot, you built it up perfectly and it had a great ending. Thank you for sharing! W.W. |
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UnsilencedWords666 Member
since 2003-11-19
Posts 63Broken Memories & Falling Tears |
Absolutly amazing...this was very impressive and intense...I am most def. adding this and you to my library...I hope you don't mind...Keep Writing... *~*nessa bear*~* You can’t choose who you are Only what you will be Why can't you choose To let me be me...*~*Nessa Bear*~* |
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spritrider87 Member
since 2003-05-31
Posts 294NH |
thanks. it has been a while since i have posted here. almost a year to be exact. i guess i still have it. its kinda nice to be back. later "i am in troble but no one knows it if you can figure out my messages then help me. |
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a123 Member
since 2004-03-27
Posts 72 |
amazing ending... i really liked this one  a123 |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
like have said to so many writers on this site, it needs depth and imagery. this is too bland for me. i don't even have to think about what i am reading. the message jumps right out. *sigh* you need to develop into a writer who uses imagery, metaphors, rhyming (not forced though, keep it subtle), and rhythm. this poem is the same as any other on here. i apologize if i sound harsh, but the level of poetry is low. i want it to get better.I wish for you to get better [This message has been edited by young_blood (04-19-2004 11:20 AM).] |
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Ixxi Member
since 2004-01-02
Posts 77England |
I do like this, but I would avoid using that much repetition. It doesn't work well in a poem which deals with such a subject. Somehow it took away the emotion - instead of making the poem work, the repetition just worked against it. Try another way of writing it. Like young_blood said... use some more different methods. Good luck writing in the future! Oh, and one last thing - try to cheer up   "Where paper cuts, and bloody hands, In the middle, they will meet" |
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sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
wow....i enjoyed it..keep it upp....gr88 |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
amazing... i really loved it. Amazing daling amazing...~lol~ I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
awesome. "I...I bleed...For no one..but myself...For me and no one else!"~ MudVaYne |
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Fleur Member
since 2004-04-09
Posts 103 |
I loved it! |
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spritrider87 Member
since 2003-05-31
Posts 294NH |
thanks guys and girls. i know it repetitive but i meant for it to be like that. and i'm working on the cheering up. its going really slow but im getting there. "don't like this world anymore. tried to run out the door. didnt work and now im on the floor. can you hear me? do you care? please help!!! " |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
very intense. i loved it. ~Alli~ |
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
Your comment made me wanna read your poetry. lol. This was a good one, awesome. ~Jess  "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix |
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yankees01rugby Junior Member
since 2003-08-13
Posts 48USA |
that was awesome! "What your mind believes, your body will achieve. Its time to start believing." |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was really powerful. very talented man. keep posting in here! I left my wallet in El Segundo... |
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MGROVES
since 2004-02-01
Posts 3802california |
write what you feel feel what you write you do it quite well you cant change how you feel nor should you change the way you write it |
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Tequilia_Sunrise Senior Member
since 2003-02-19
Posts 612Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada |
awesome |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Okay this was an excellent piece. Trust me I've been in this situation. Not the exact one but pretty close. You have expressed your self well. This poem to me was not about structure or rhythm but about emotions. Very Well Expressed. Branden |
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LegalSecret69 Member
since 2003-06-04
Posts 69Virginia |
very nice... it has a nice beat to it. I enjoyed reading! Oh, and I haven't talked to you in a while.. hope to hear from you soon! -Jess |
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earthdust Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 53predestined and foreknown |
hey young blood, maybe you are more suited for the role of an english teacher instead of a professional poet, which you so arrogantly would portray... poetry is art , and art is expression... express yourself! " Understanding is more valuable than diamonds. If you can understand me, Then you are a very rich person. " |
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spritrider87 Member
since 2003-05-31
Posts 294NH |
thanks everyone. my poetry might be stopping as i have just gotten some bad news and can not think enough to write much. so please dont dispair if i go away again. i will be back. As I look at this world and realize that I am the only one to have seen the end of all Good I let the tears out that and ask the world to see them. |
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