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Dark Poetry #4
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Rogue Wind
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Rogue Wind |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Need to take the next step, Breathe the next breath, Chase the rogue wind, Stalk it to the center of the earth, Begin to feel, Or try to, Because I know it’s hard, To change the habit of feeling numb, Loneliness swoops upon me, My intentions fall to the floor, And I begin to cry, Yet I know I tried, A feeling engulfs me, Like fire, But I don’t notice the passion, Although I do note the pain, I carry on, Like normal, But somehow it’s different, When all I want to do is collapse, The shining moon above me, Encircles the blinding pain, Like a rusty needle, Injecting into my heart, I take the next step, Although I fall down, I breathe the next breath, Although my lungs are empty, I chase the rogue wind, But you never told me what to do when I catch it. However long the night, the dawn will break. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Courtney - All Rights Reserved | |||
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
"Like a rusty needle, Injecting into my heart" owch...that would definatly hurt...not to mention getting tetnis shots *cringes* ...i like this one, it's good, very emotional and descriptive. - River sleep my precious slumber |
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DarkSide_Blues Junior Member
since 2003-03-08
Posts 41Fl, Usa. |
Well, first off, I did enjoy the poetry! It actually evoked a wanderlust feeling in me. A desire to chase a breeze..eheh. Since you have the constructive critique tag tho, I will just say, in some places, the flow of the poetry seems a little out of whack. It's not that important to some people, but on each stanza, it just seems to be stop and go. I.E. "Need to take the next step,-stop- Breathe the next breath,-stop- Chase the rogue wind,-stop- Stalk it to the center -stop- of the earth,-stop-" That's just my opinion tho. For all I know I could be completely out of whack with that, so only take the comment as far as you see just.  Either way, I thought it was a great peice. Thank you! |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Hey guys thanks for replying to this poem. Darkside_blues- I don't quite get what you mean but i'm glad you enjoyed it. However long the night, the dawn will break. |
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DarkSide_Blues Junior Member
since 2003-03-08
Posts 41Fl, Usa. |
Lol, Don't even worry about! Probably just my abstract way of thinking. ^_~ Blame it on a lack of pigment. lol. |
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand |
I breathe the next breath, Although my lungs are empty, I chase the rogue wind, But you never told me what to do when I catch it. i really loved that courts great great great great LOR Call no man happy till he is dead. [This message has been edited by Masked Intruder (03-08-2004 05:15 AM).] |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Hey Lor, where have you been lately? Glad you like it......... "What is it about the dark places that draw my spirit in? The agony? The silent shadows? I would give up my perfect destiny to know." |
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