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Dark Poetry #4

Shunning the Shadow

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

0 posted 2008-10-11 11:53 PM

You know
    it's devon again
  I don't think it's good for you to talk to strangers
       he's got the fear in his eyes
       and that's supposed to make him wise.
  they will laugh at you and make you feel like dirt
      sage advice
         since when did you become my wise counsel?
         You just come up from below every now and again
         to tell me off for not cringing the way you do?
  I just come up because you're the only one I can talk to
      And you wear black all the time
          what are you some kind of shadow
        doppelganger slipping into the periphery
       whenever I try to make life better for someone else?
  I come up because you listen to what I say
  you might not know it yet but you listen.

I walk away back toward the prow and away from Devon.

Life's short. Think hard!
Me!

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

1 posted 2008-10-12 01:25 AM

I liked this one.

-Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

The Esoteric Being
Junior Member

since 2008-07-22

Posts 34
MA, USA

2 posted 2008-10-12 03:26 PM

Nice work, enjoyably dark plot.

Suggestion:
remove the first away from the last line to appear like this:
I walk back toward the prow and away from Devon.

----------------
The Esoteric Being

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