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Vigilante
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Vigilante |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams 
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Vigilante You're a bad man bad men go to jail Good guys always prevail You're just a terrorist Terrorists are bad men BAD MEN who live on earth With there guns and bullets Bang, bang, bang: like cowboys Cowboys and INDIANS Bang, bang, bang: Did you win Did you see a white flag Wave oh flag! Bang bang bang Tell me was it worth it, Bang, bang, bang: There he goes destroy a child's dream Bang, bang, your a hero and the child is dead The cost of glory: Bang Bang, bang: The hero comes A child's life For your glory -Juju -Juju |
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| © Copyright 2008 Juju - All Rights Reserved | |||
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pyre Member
since 2008-05-16
Posts 136 |
I like the recurring "bangs." It keeps grabbing the reader's attention. It starts out almost kinda cute, then it just gets more and more serious. Nice write. -pyre Does she pray? Am I prey? The strength of reality demands honesty and this path is in a shovel... |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
The use of cowboy imagery works well in making this a very satirical poem. Terrorist and cowboy cease to be separate entities and instead merge to become one menace. Life's short. Think hard! |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
I don't really like the ending though. I think it was a we bit cliche... Should have been: The cost of glory: Bang Bang, bang: The hero comes Vigilante Live For Glory Revolution Kill em' all: Bang -juju -Juju |
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The Esoteric Being Junior Member
since 2008-07-22
Posts 34MA, USA |
You're a bad man bad men go to jail Good guys always prevail[win might fit better here, to match the simplicity of the first two lines] You're just a terrorist Terrorists are bad men BAD MEN who live on earth With there[their] guns and bullets Bang, bang, bang: like cowboys Cowboys and INDIANS Bang, bang, bang: Did you win Did you see a white flag Wave oh flag! Bang bang bang Tell me was it worth it, Bang, bang, bang: There he goes destroy[ing] a child's dream Bang, bang, your[you're] a hero and the child is dead The cost of glory: Bang Bang, bang: The hero comes A child's life For your glory I liked your second ending. Lots of strong emotion here, very nice ---------------- |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
You're a bad man. Bad men go to jail The Good guys always win- You're just a terrorist. Terrorists are bad men. BAD MEN who live on earth. With their guns and bullets, Bang, bang, bang: like cowboys Cowboys and INDIANS. Bang, bang, bang: Did you win, Did you see a white flag? Wave oh flag! Bang bang bang Tell me was it worth it, Bang, bang, bang: There he goes Bang, bang, you're a hero The cost of glory: Bang Bang, bang: The hero comes A child's life For your glory Vigilante Live For Glory Revolution Kill em' all Bang -Juju -Juju |
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