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Dark Poetry #4

Goodbye

gator89
Junior Member

since 2008-10-08

Posts 12
Ohio, USA

0 posted 2008-10-08 11:37 PM

"Goodbye"

Sing the saddest song
Somethings always wrong
Cannot cry
Can't get high
No one to say hi
They only say goodbye

Stare the darkest light
Never is a might
Cannot laugh
Other half
No one to stand by
They only say a lie

Past is just a time
Everything was fine
Still could cry
Always high
Everyone said hi
Now they say goodbye

So goodbye

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

1 posted 2008-10-09 02:15 PM

I think the concept is awesome, but focus your emotions on the piece of paper. Let them tell the reader something. What makes me different kind of thing.

It is kind of scary putting your soul -out- for the world to see. I was delighted in your poem and I cant wait to see more. Keep it up.

-Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

midnightdreamer
Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 309
Roy,ut

2 posted 2008-10-09 07:13 PM

You had great emotion. i got it. I get this emotion. don't know if your suppose to feel like nothings going anywhere, but that's how it seems for me.

midnightdreamer

She past you, but doesn't notice you.
Drained from emotion
she waits till death grasps her.
She faces it with no fear but rather welcomes it.

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