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Dark Poetry #4
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From Death's Perspective
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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From Death's Perspective |
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theiamsadsong Junior Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 17 |
From Death’s Perspective Sadness, loneliness, anxiety and fear You’d give up if only you knew how Wonderful blood, Putrid daggers called “emotions” I am “emo,” I am death, I am despair, I’m a noose around your neck, A bottle of sleeping pills in your stomach… I’m the only one who loves you enough to End It all now But you say you don’t trust me? Oh no, not never, not someday, just not right Now… But then when? When will you give me the chance? You say there’s one more thing you have to do yet… But you and I both know that there is NOTHING left here For you No one that needs you No talents, Dreams, Aspirations You feel burdened to pursue Why do not wish to secure the act Which is palpable beneath your skin, As if you were ice… Leaning into the flame to dissolve the pain That is you So… What are you waiting for? Sooner or later you know I shall find you… Sooner is what your pain begs of me When you call for me… I shall come dashing to your aid And I’ll stay by your bedside… Until all the pain is over… And all those bad things… Bad people… Are forever disappeared from your consciousness I promise you it won’t hurt a bit It’s just a tiny soft push A push… To the other side A one-way ticket to your peaceful, planned death Trust me, My sad, bleeding, weepy little friend I will keep you safe Through the blunt, bleak, desperate hours of the morning, Silently mourning, Over your still, deceased, youthful body So full of pain So much hopelessness you hold in your black, fleshy, bloody, writhing heart Like a cherry pit, Lodged in your fragile, sensitive stomach You won’t twist Or cry out In your pain, my dear Since the angel of your death will then be near Sending you Where You may learn To Breathe Anew |
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| © Copyright 2008 theiamsadsong - All Rights Reserved | |||
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theiamsadsong Junior Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 17 |
im really looking for some criticism on this... love ya, monica |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
You need to seriously read the guidelines you agreed to, when you joined. here are just some, that pertain to your posts. Take the time to READ THEM. "Posts depicting suicide as a solution to life will be removed! More than any other rule at Passions, this one seems to draw the most controversy. We believe that people who would harm themselves need professional attention, not the advice of untrained writers - no matter how well intentioned those writers might be. The recurring depression that leads to thoughts of suicide is the result of a medical condition and is treatable. Writing poetry, catharsis, and talking to our writers about "events" (which do not cause depression) is no substitute for getting that treatment. Sadly, too few people realize the need for professional help. We believe a large part of this is because writers habitually romanticize suicide, making it seem like a "good thing." Passions will not provide a venue for this glamorization, and you'll find no "I died for love" poems or "They'll be sorry when I'm gone" stories posted in our forums. We recognize the problems faced by people, whether lost love or a feeling of insignificance, but will not condone suicide as a valid answer to those problems. Top Posts advocating harm to a human being (including self-harm) will be removed! We believe that words have power. We also believe that ALL human life is precious and should be protected. Any poetry or prose that condones or promotes hate or violence will be removed from the site immediately. Open promotion of hate or violence is pretty cut and dried, and rarely a problem. But advocating harm to a human being can also be subtle. Depicting a scene or scenario where a human is harmed, without showing any repercussions, is often just as dangerous as open promotion. Viewpoint characters must be seen to pay for their crimes, else the reader is given no guidance to the difference between right and wrong. When the viewpoint character is a victim of crime, the reader must still be left with a sense of what is right and what is wrong. This isn't easily quantified, but generally, the reader should end up sympathizing with the victim and not the perpetrator of a crime. If you have a question about a specific work, you should contact a Moderator and ask them to read the piece before posting. This rule applies to all forums at pipTalk, including the Adults Only forum. Note: As a matter of policy, activities that break the law will almost always be interpreted as "harm to a human being." And, yea, that's going to include illicit drugs. Even if you believe a particular substance is harmless, breaking the law brings consequences which are rarely harmless, either to the individual and to the society. That is not to say a writer can't explore drug use, or can't advocate that the laws be changed. Anything that advocates or glorifies the breaking of a law, however, will likely be removed." and here is a link so you can read them all. /pip/guidelines/rules.html |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
hmm SEA yes this does goes beyond the guidelines and yes rules must be followed. But i didn't detect anything of suicide. I did see the mention of death but i dont think that is in the guidelines. Maybe you just did and im not that intuitive like you to notice.  I like this poem you gave a different look on the grim hand if death. The way you discribe this made me think that maybe death is just the angel of death. not ment to be bad just misunderstood. Great write!!!! this is going in my library!! ~Zach~ |
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shattered-smiles Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 247inside the shadows |
Good...good...great! Going in my library. TJ No One Knew She Bled To Feel; To Remind Herself That She Was Real |
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