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Dark Poetry #4
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Last of the Seasons
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Last of the Seasons |
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dragoon Junior Member
since 2008-01-09
Posts 19 |
(New to the site first posting) Last of the Seasons Good morning distant white mountains blue skies and crystal clear fountains Wake up white doves and green trees black highways and red blood sea's. Miles down a dirt path of nothing doors shut and broken, hinges rusting Bodies floating down a rocky river feeding Silhouettes of yesterday slaughter and bleeding Good morning four worlds of seasons questions without answers or without reasons Teapots whistling, my mind is blowing like a book without a shelve of knowing Marble tiles floored without direction random shapes and colors sheltered protection Walking on an artist temple praying Christian chorus believers swaying Good morning death filled land dying people sinking in the fine sand Earth shaking her plates to rid her fleas one last stand before falling to her knees |
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| © Copyright 2008 dragoon - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Twilight Warrior Member
since 2007-02-22
Posts 106The World That Never Was |
First of all, I did like this poem, but some of the sentences seemed out of place. For instance: Walking on an artist temple praying Christian chorus believers swaying I think this line should be omitted. Though I am in no way an expert, just a fellow writer. It's good as it is, but it could be better. Overall, nice work. -TW |
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dragoon Junior Member
since 2008-01-09
Posts 19 |
Thanks for your input and I agree. I used a bit of a forced rhyme there. I have something better to put there now.Thanks dragoon |
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