Numb - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

voice2bheard
Senior Member

since 2007-10-19

Posts 591
New York

0 posted 2007-10-31 09:20 AM

I hear voices, but I can't make a sound

I see darkness ahead, and noones around

I find myself looking in the mirror

sitting on the floor

Its seems like I'm more depressed than before

My body feels cold, and my color is white

and no matter how hard I try I still lose the fight

My fingers are freezing going numb

as I look through glass I wish this was done

It feels like novacaine in my body, going numb

blood starts to flowing, it still keeps going

but its like I can't feel, going numb

the marks and the bruises, the stupid excuses

still its like I'm going numb

the drug gets stronger, when will it be over?

I'm laying on the floor, cold and numb

but how can I still feel anything

if my bodys going, numb

voice2bheard
Senior Member

since 2007-10-19

Posts 591
New York

1 posted 2007-10-31 09:21 AM

This poem is about just being cold, feeling upset and because you get so cold you just can't feel anything

Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

2 posted 2007-11-04 02:33 AM

This is my favourite of yours, so far. It's actually amazing. The one suggestion I'd make is to find a way to fit 'numb' in every other line consistently. In line 2,4 and 6. Since it's the title and it is the final word in lines 8,10,12,14,16&18 it would 'feel right' to me. It is only my opinion. Since you say "Be honest no matter how harsh it could be." I figured I would put it out there. I hope you pay the same respect.... I adore constructive critisism.... I am one who loves to improve.

voice2bheard
Senior Member

since 2007-10-19

Posts 591
New York

3 posted 2007-11-05 01:13 PM

Thanks and like I said I love you girl don't know you that well but love you !!

Kate

voice2bheard
Senior Member

since 2007-10-19

Posts 591
New York

4 posted 2009-12-16 05:15 AM

YES WHAT I FEEL LIKE A LOT!!

Kate

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.