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Dark Poetry #4
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postcards from watertown (2)
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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postcards from watertown (2) |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
postcards show elms in leafy canopy over main street when she was a girl in the long green light of a summer two generations ago. there were acorns and bird's nests, chestnuts and feathers she treasured in cardboard shoeboxes from maxim’s uptown department store. days were the softness of gathering lilacs and berries that grew in the wildwood down by the lily pad pond. her nights were screened porches june bugs and fireflies, checkers, root beer and soft music drifting through the billowing curtains on an open window. she was the girl next door with a bouquet of orange blossoms married in white in the church on the hill to the love of her life, the man who abandoned both her and the child long before summer and the green elms were gone. [This message has been edited by JenniferMaxwell (10-07-2007 09:02 PM).] |
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Seeker72 Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387Oregon USA |
I like it, you can see in your minds eye the place, I feel that it ends too soon... but I would say that I'm not a short poem writer, it just feels like something was left out towards the end. |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Excellent point, Seeker. I did edit the ending to make it less personal and think by doing so a lot, perhaps the whole point, was lost. Thanks so much for your input. Very helpful. |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
And, just to clear it up, the point was that pictures on a postcard, like family history, are often pretty scenes that don't show the reality of trash day with a rubbish barrel sitting in front of every house. Something like that. |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
I love your poetry! ARCTIC WIND |
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