Captive audience (its a work in progress

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Dark Poetry #4

Captive audience (its a work in progress

Sir_Vampire
Member

since 2007-06-12

Posts 96
Johannesburg

0 posted 2007-09-19 05:36 AM

A drum roll instills over his crowd a hushed silence
He is ready now to start his make believe violence

A flick of the wrists a twist of a string
The puppet master his act now doth begin

He smiles as he manipulates his lifeless dolls
Making them seem real giving them pointless goals

He guides their actions with deceit and guile
His audience like his dolls manipulated all the while

Not seeing he dominates them he controls them
A twist of a string they must obey his every whim

This is a work in progress so it need some touching up, just want to know what people think of it now to see if its worth carrying on

you watched me bleed you watched me die you watched me not even a bat of your eye

Kitherion
Member

since 2006-08-01

Posts 181
Johannesburg

1 posted 2007-09-25 01:03 AM

It was about manipulation, so of course I enjoyed it. i would however replace the "doth", with does, as it gives the poetry more flow. Other than that, I think you should continue... it's actually really good.

"Our Father who art in Heaven... Hallowed be thy name..."

Abbeon
Member

since 2006-11-30

Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder

2 posted 2007-09-26 12:50 PM

Your poem is really great to me it sounds like the puppet master injoys controlling both his puppets and his audience. i suppose that we all feel a litle like the puppets at times.

amazing subject

Gold star for your creativite,

Abbeon.

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