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Sir_Vampire
Member

since 2007-06-12

Posts 96
Johannesburg

0 posted 2007-09-14 05:32 AM

Icy lips parted whispering forbidden sins
A steely glint in your eyes show you mean it
you open your arms like a spreading of wings
embracing my broken heart...a perfect fit

fixing a part of me that was always shattered
healing a body that was abused and battered
i knew not of heaven until your lips met mine
i close my eyes knowing for once everything will be fine

i kneel down at your feet consumed by feelings of love
i feel the truth in your eyes ad you look down on me from above
i take your hand in mine and kiss it with trepidation
i smile for the first time overwhelmed by love and elation

i stand up once more and hold you in a shaking embrace
i have never known of such beauty nor such grace
i am ever thankful that i was found by you
and to you i will always remain devoted and true....

you watched me bleed you watched me die you watched me not even a bat of your eye

MegMeg
Member

since 2007-05-14

Posts 85
Virginia

1 posted 2007-09-14 04:27 PM

wow..very nicely written i can feel your passion.

jossal
Junior Member

since 2007-09-15

Posts 23

2 posted 2007-09-16 02:48 AM

A departure from the dark side of poetry, but still another sir_vampire best.

Darkness is only the lack of light...

Sekishu
Junior Member

since 2007-09-17

Posts 36

3 posted 2007-09-18 07:30 PM

this is brilliant
i havnt seen many poems with such intensity

Twilight Warrior
Member

since 2007-02-22

Posts 106
The World That Never Was

4 posted 2007-09-18 09:24 PM

Can't help with title, but this was a very good poem.

"One last drink and the bottle breaks, returning us to the dust from whence we came"

Kitherion
Member

since 2006-08-01

Posts 181
Johannesburg

5 posted 2007-09-19 12:44 PM

I'm afraid I can't say I like the rhyme scheme. It changes to dramatically from the first stanza to the second. And then the rhyming couplets just take over. Nice depth of feeling, but...

"Our Father who art in Heaven... Hallowed be thy name..."

Sir_Vampire
Member

since 2007-06-12

Posts 96
Johannesburg

6 posted 2007-09-25 05:32 AM

so kitherion in your opinion the first stanza hand a better scheme and feel... ill see what i can do to carry it on in that style... thanks

you watched me bleed you watched me die you watched me not even a bat of your eye

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