wanting and wishing - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Dark Poetry #4

wanting and wishing

Starsfalling
Member

since 2003-03-18

Posts 94
some where deep in the shadows

0 posted 2003-11-30 06:43 PM

I’m just so tired…
Of wishing you were here
Of telling myself you’ll come back,
Some day…
Still your presence lingers
Never letting rest
These memories just won’t leave
Shedding silent tears
Only wanting your return…

any critiques would be helpful thanks...tell me what ya think
-lance

There is no peace among the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter and the laughter of thirsting gods

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2003-11-30 10:25 PM

ok, it's a bit vague.

The idea and feeling you have with this piece is good and could produce something with more substance.

Talk about what lingers about this person.
Mention bits and pieces of memories.
I think you have something good comming with this one. Good luck, Lance.

SharaRose
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~

2 posted 2003-12-01 06:55 PM

Exhaustion came through...worn from feeling the feeling of hopelessness. I don't know how to critique so I don't know things to say about that. I just know what thoughts, or feelings, or emotions I am brought to so I'm no help with that part. Sorry. I know I'm a big help, huh.
Love,
Terri~

Mad_Hatter
Member

since 2003-06-29

Posts 393
Canada

3 posted 2003-12-01 08:04 PM

For what it's worth, I liked it and related to it. You always manage to write things that I can very easily relate to.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.