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Dark Poetry #4
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Seeking You
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Seeking You |
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Errand Boy New Member
since 2007-02-01
Posts 3 |
This is my first attempt at poetry. I really want to hear some constructive critisism, if it blew, then please tell me. I appreciate the truth. Nothing more than a complex molecule. In the vastness of the random chance. Is life nothing more than to provide fuel? I die, so others may laugh and dance. We're all trying to leave our mark. To be remembered during the last dark. I opened my eyes, seeking the one. Another soul to enjoy the final silence Illuminated by the rays of the sun There she stood, arms extended Just a deceitful mirage, my face in the dirt I cherish her image, with time I will be mended I see her each night, in a beautiful dream We sit under an apple tree, no need for words And as the apples fall, our flesh does sag But in each others arms, no need to scream Embracing each other, we sink into the earth Not a trace of our existence, save for a simple hearth |
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| © Copyright 2007 Errand Boy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Idontmindyouundermyskin Junior Member
since 2007-01-29
Posts 32 |
I'm not going to lie to you. Seemed kind of weird. You went from dieing to fuel the planet, to a weird dream about a girl. it's best to keep your writing static and stay on a topic. And feel free to clear me up if I just misunderstood. |
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