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Dark Poetry #4
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Kira Aso
Member
since 2006-09-26
Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

0 posted 2007-02-01 08:53 AM




My grave is here in the freezing snow
This life of mine is ending that I know
I walked so many miles in search of  spring
Now my life is ending here by this frozen stream

My grave is here in the freezing snow
I can feel the chill in the wind that blows
No one will miss me for I left no one behind
Wish I could turn back the clock and rewind

My grave is here in the freezing snow
I can no longer feel my fingers and toes
Let the darkness swallow me whole
Just another life that winter stole...


~It's sooo cold outside! I'm in the wintery cold poems swing I guess. Can't wait for Spring~

© Copyright 2007 Kira Aso - All Rights Reserved
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
1 posted 2007-02-01 04:00 PM


Spring, as well I can't wait. I liked this wintery poem, melancholy, yes but nevertheless great...
luv,
hunnie

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

Twilight Warrior
Member
since 2007-02-22
Posts 106
The World That Never Was
2 posted 2007-02-22 06:35 PM


I like the feeling of solitude. Cheers
Grand_Daddy_Tale_Spinner
New Member
since 2007-02-23
Posts 6

3 posted 2007-02-23 01:46 PM


I like the embrace of passion in this piece. Well spoken, few minor mechanical errors but a good read none the less.
chiLanta
Junior Member
since 2006-12-01
Posts 47

4 posted 2007-02-26 01:30 PM


i cant  wait till spring either winter stinks and i cant take the cold either, your poem sounds like me when i get in my car in the moring to go to work! good write
Kira Aso
Member
since 2006-09-26
Posts 351
Closer to Hell...
5 posted 2007-03-22 05:07 PM



Hey there's peoplez's! Thank you for the comments!

L. Ottanio
Junior Member
since 2007-04-17
Posts 27
Connecticut, USA
6 posted 2007-04-19 12:35 PM


kira - this is a great poem - real deep meanings for me.

but you might want to consider (once again only an opinion) - the last stanza

yours reads:

My grave is here in the freezing snow
I can no longer feel my fingers and toes
Let the darkness swallow me whole
Just another life that winter stole...

3rd line c/b let the darkness swallow me up whole
4th line c/b and I'll e just another life taht winter has stole.

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