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Dark Poetry #4
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xEmperorEmber
Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 136
tx

0 posted 2006-12-12 12:42 PM



This boxss it catn quit
Ive GOT this victory GIN
and a cigarette
Victory too
You bet
This sore
ITS not healiNg
This Box IS Hearingme
Mi mynd is deadened
YOU GIVE A CHILD A TOY
AND THEY WILL BE QUIeT
YOU GIVE A CHILD A TOY
AND THEY FORGET YOU
HIT THEM
YOU GIVE A NATION
YOUGIVE A NATION
WHAT HAVE THEY GIVEN ME
My MYnd is NUMB

© Copyright 2006 Jimi Hendrix - All Rights Reserved
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
1 posted 2006-12-13 12:47 PM


no, it was awesome. but the only thing i can think to make it better is maybe reread it cuz you have letters in wrong places like catn i know it means can't but it waould be easier to read
hunnie

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

secret_truth_lies
Member
since 2006-11-14
Posts 74

2 posted 2006-12-29 07:08 PM


I think it looks fine. It makes it have more attitude in the write/poem. I thought you did an awesome job on this, and hoping I'll see more from you on here soon.
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