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Dark Poetry #4
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Tempest
Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-09-15 07:59 AM



you dont speak your thoughts
instead you keep them deep insde
tucked away in a far off place
somewhere safe to hide

the sadness in your eyes
tell me you dont know what to do
you dont have to tell me
your bruises speak for you

his frustration mounts
and your his solution
you just tell yourself
that the pain is an illusion

lips cut and swollen
with a steady trickle of blood
these sedatives arnt working
i can tell your coming undone

close your eyes tight
soon it will all be over
just sleep sound tonight
under the safty of the covers

© Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved
lanaia74
Member
since 2006-08-25
Posts 67

1 posted 2006-09-15 09:47 AM


VERY well done!
deceitful_siren
Junior Member
since 2006-09-14
Posts 20
USA
2 posted 2006-09-15 03:13 PM


Oh, I love this one. Very depressing, yet still elegant in a way. Absolutely amazing job. Please continue.

JenniferMaxwell
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Member Elite
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423

3 posted 2006-09-16 12:02 PM


The opening stanza in your poem is very strong, paints such a clear picture of the person you're writing about and set the tone of the poem so well.

"you dont speak your thoughts
instead you keep them deep insde
tucked away in a far off place
somewhere safe to hide"

And then you enhance that description with these very moving lines"
"you dont have to tell me
your bruises speak for you"

A difficult topic to write about but you've handled it very well. Nice work!

hunnie_girl
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Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
4 posted 2006-10-02 01:13 PM


i miss reading your poetry in teen poetry so i had to drag my butt all the way over here just to read your poems and i'm glad i did good poem i loved...
hunnie*

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace   ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

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