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Dark Poetry #4
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She Wants
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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She Wants |
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Bobomo Junior Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 35 |
She wants the past, not his love But he is already there Trapped Surrounded by memories A Black and White maelstrom Blocking out the color of the present Echoing laughter, sharpened words Fuzzy warm hugs and frozen tears Promises, chances All of them, grains in this sandstorm of time Whipping around him, tearing at his flesh Exposing the shadow within The tempest swirls it fingers around him Pulling him into the dark clouds He struggles to break free An impossible task for a memory Faded and half forgotten Consumed, his final scream lost upon the winds She wants the past, not his love But he is already there Trapped….forever |
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| © Copyright 2006 Bobomo - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Good to read another installment of your sharp ink. Insightful metaphor that you used to portray the fading of dreams. TD |
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burntsiena Junior Member
since 2006-08-10
Posts 34Rhode Island |
I really enjoy this poem and your use of language. Very fascinating and sophisticated. There are a couple of lines that stand out in blocking the flow of the rest of the poem - unless intentional - All of them, grains in this sandstorm of time - and - Consumed, his final scream lost upon the winds - I like these lines - just maybe shorterning them in some way might help to keep the poem flowing - but its just my opinion. Thanks for the great work you shared with us |
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Lisey Junior Member
since 2006-08-27
Posts 36UK (Wales) |
Wow ......that one really gripped me!! very spiritual! |
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Bobomo Junior Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 35 |
Thank you very much for the compliments and the critiques. I had trouble with those two loine but did not feel they got the right meaning across without the additions. I think I should have worked on this one a little bit longer. |
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MindBodySoul Member
since 2007-01-10
Posts 196NJ |
Wow! I felt the strength and spirituality of your words. Was captivating! Thank you, for sharing Jen--->MindBodySoul |
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