Heavy Rain (The Underground Man Expects Delays)

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Dark Poetry #4

Heavy Rain (The Underground Man Expects Delays)

kif kif
Member

since 2006-06-01

Posts 439
BCN

0 posted 2006-08-12 02:05 PM

You won't be leaving here today,
the skies are full of guns
and liquid metal spikes that spray
all over tender thumbs

denied the right to write rights in the air,
what will become of your game for one player?

Co-ordination's gone astray
as eyes see hands deformed,
with nails all bitten down to pray
this wasteful life be borne

by, the mouth-aches...from the cost of the fare,
a taxi pulls in, and holds nobody's stare.

[This message has been edited by kif kif (08-12-2006 06:57 PM).]

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

1 posted 2006-08-13 12:20 PM

Interesting choice of words here.
Battlefield background, injury and wound.
Thought provoking write.
TD

kif kif
Member

since 2006-06-01

Posts 439
BCN

2 posted 2006-08-13 06:25 PM

Thanks, ThisDiamond. The title refers to the inspiration; "Notes From Underground" Dostoevsky,(a theme of revenge, paranoia and purposelessness?-See also Nietzsche's philosophical idea of The Last Man, and the ideas of Taxi Driver)My angle for this is the bomb-scare in British airports, happening now. I think I wrote this appealing to the source? Also, I was thinking about the concept of waiting. I dunno, it's bizarre. The weather here's been stormy, with massive raindrops, and a crackling atmosphere. Just my thoughts...the rhythm's quite like a part of "International Jet Set" by The Specials, too, although I'm sure they got that from that "chim chiminy" song from Mary Poppins...

[This message has been edited by kif kif (08-14-2006 06:38 AM).]

shatteredsilver
Member

since 2005-03-31

Posts 63
middle of nowhere

3 posted 2006-08-29 01:01 AM

yikes. I can't say I enjoyed it, but I thought it was wonderfuly done all the same.
A little snapshot of life as some know it.

kif kif
Member

since 2006-06-01

Posts 439
BCN

4 posted 2006-08-29 08:38 AM

Thanks a lot shatteredsilver...great name, btw.

You're right, it's not enjoyable, although the rhythm is quite frivolous, I think, a juxtaposition?

shatteredsilver
Member

since 2005-03-31

Posts 63
middle of nowhere

5 posted 2006-08-29 10:22 PM

Yeah, I sort of hummed along with it the second to to Chim chimaney, which almost made it more eerie!

kif kif
Member

since 2006-06-01

Posts 439
BCN

6 posted 2006-08-31 03:06 AM

"eerie"...it's a word I've been wanting to play for ages. Thanks for bringing it in!

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