»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #4
»
Deadly Sleep
| Dark Poetry #4 |
|
Deadly Sleep |
|
|
greysolace Member
since 2006-03-27
Posts 71 |
She rolls over in her bed In a dreamless sleep Haunted by the darkness That once again fights to consume her The sheets constricting around her Confines of her own making The presence of darkness enters her room The air freezing about it As it stalks towards her Taunting its next victim While she lay unknowing on her bed The cruel smirk of death appears from the shadows As millions of eyes look on from nowhere Staring daggers at the figure breathing softly Oblivious to all Moonlight shines upon her face Illuminating the path she unconsciously walks Though it is in vain She’s far too lost now for hope of rescue Darkness presses in on all sides A frown mars her features Noticing too late the danger As the darkness enshrouds her forever ~~Poetry is written emotion~~ |
||
| © Copyright 2006 Mekeda DuBard - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Digital_Hell Member
since 2006-06-05
Posts 202Amidst black roses |
I liked it a lot. It was touching. the ending especially. I loved how she realised she was lost but that its far too late! Keep up the good work! The only critisism i could give is on the flow. I felt as if it was perhaps a bit forced in some places. Though this may only be me... A sign in the wind |
||
|
burntsiena Junior Member
since 2006-08-10
Posts 34Rhode Island |
I like the million eyes and where it comes in the poem after already setting up a chilling feeling. As for a critique, I think you could cut it down a bit, keep the best parts, and still have an effective, yet more concise poem |
||
|
Sorrow Member
since 2006-06-14
Posts 83Ireland |
I like this a lot! It's a really chilling, dark poem that suits this forum well. Good job!! |
||
|
cherrys_rule Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442 |
awww... that's very sad. but I do like this poem. hope to see more in the future. thanks for sharing though. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
