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Dark Poetry #4

Old Poet

Philmont
Member

since 2004-01-10

Posts 61

0 posted 2006-07-30 10:10 PM

Walking the streets of Toronto one day, I came
across a man sitting on the curb autistically rocking,
stimulating all with ramblings, mumblings, activity.
+When,+ he said - voice jittering up down up down
+can they stop = moving doing buying and realize..&.
He stopped

saw me and said (hey man come here I'm gonna
  tell you something(

   ^ I'm a poet who watches the streets
   ^ you won't see me starting poems in exotic lingvo
   ^ rhyming to make my stuff look sugar spice nice

yes, I corrected,
but you still flaunt your being different from the rest

&&&Doesn't everybody&&&

         So you're just the same as everybody else.

    >+ I watch the streets +<

kif kif
Member

since 2006-06-01

Posts 439
BCN

1 posted 2006-07-31 08:22 AM

Cool-super surreal. A bit like 'that tramp's really an angel'. I enjoyed your defamiliarisation technique, using the 'short-hand signs' really slows the pace down to a thoughtful conversation, with a freaky paradox at the end! Wicked.

Myshkin
New Member

since 2006-07-25

Posts 6
Perth, Australia

2 posted 2006-08-01 10:08 PM

I quite enjoyed this, it has a bizarre flavour somehow - like grapes and dust. The only thing I didn't like was the 'so youre just the same as everybody else' - it's not needed as the preceding line (which I LOVE) covers it...

zigwield
Member

since 2006-06-25

Posts 61

3 posted 2006-08-02 02:26 AM

Very good
Its nice to be a watcher
i enjoy it sometimes a lot

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