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Dark Poetry #4

What lies beneath.

rockbabe
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 105

0 posted 2006-06-21 05:52 AM

The day he walked in,
Tall and rugged
From a place unknown

Overwhelmed with emotion,
She felt her heart beat

No words were exchanged
But only a dialogue led by enthralled eyes

Captured by his web

Promises made
Walls broken down…………

Secretly,

A mind filled with Deceit.

niere
Member

since 2006-04-23

Posts 77

1 posted 2006-06-21 07:20 AM

I really like this. It's short and (seemingly) sweet lol.

''No words were exchanged
But only a dialogue led by enthralled eyes''

That creates a great image for me, and it's very nicely written.

Great write

Sorrow
Member

since 2006-06-14

Posts 83
Ireland

2 posted 2006-06-21 12:57 PM

I agree with niere. Those lines create a beautiful image. The whole thing is excellent! Looking forward to reading more of your stuff!

Digital_Hell
Member

since 2006-06-05

Posts 202
Amidst black roses

3 posted 2006-06-21 04:58 PM

lovely imagery. look forward to seeing more soon

hells gate reads Abandon hope all ye that enter here
shall we go?
the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Will you walk with me?

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

4 posted 2006-06-21 07:18 PM

I liked this because it had layers of mystery in it for me. Because although the guy appears innocent enough I felt like he held evil intent towards the girl… but you disguised enough that there is a slight doubt in my mind so it’s hard to decide what’s really going to happen.

This was a great write, it got me thinking about the poem and the characters, wondering, and… well, you could say they people in this came “alive” in my mind. Made me feel like this was a true story, not just a poem…

I can’t wait to see more of your poems in the near future, I know that I enjoyed this one a lot

@-->---

rockbabe
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 105

5 posted 2006-06-25 05:28 AM

Hey, guys thanks for your comments, much appreciated!!

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