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Dark Poetry #4
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Too Real
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Too Real |
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trUstNooNe Member
since 2006-05-21
Posts 91 |
The Blood it shed. The screams I heard. To scared to say anything now. Only for know one to believe me, But I know what I heard was real. Someone innocent died that night. By someone who truley enjoyed the sight. I couldn't breather nor move. I just stood there and stared into the empty room. It can't be real, it must be a dream.My eyes are still closed, what the hell it must be a dream! Then why did it seem so real to me... |
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| © Copyright 2006 mar lize - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Internalexile Junior Member
since 2006-06-15
Posts 38UK |
Loved the ending! Very dramatic! Great write  Internalexile Let the moonlight paint your face, let the stars be your cloak... |
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Frank W. Torres Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 133 |
Nice. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey trUstNooNe, Great poem, I loved how it started out! I think the thing that held my attention in reading this would be the first line, how you didn’t say what “it” was, I found that it was a very fascinating poem to read… There are two things that I believe are a little bit questionable in this, 1) “Only for know one to believe me”, correct spelling on the word but the “know” I believe, is supposed to be a different kind of “know”, you know? 2) “I couldn’t breather nor move” once again, isn’t it supposed to be “breath” or am I missing something big here?!?! Maybe that’s the way it is supposed to be… I know that those are just little things, but if I hadn’t said something it would bug me until I did… Other than that I think this is very well written! And the ending? Wow! Like the other person said it was very dramatic, but it added well to the poem, I really enjoyed it… Thanks for sharing with me, I can’t wait to see more like this in the near future  @-->--- |
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niere Member
since 2006-04-23
Posts 77 |
It sounds like some kind of childhood memory to me... and it's very sad, But an excellent write - I really enjoy it. I love the way the end finishes with confusion... like the matter was never settled or anything. Great write. |
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Digital_Hell Member
since 2006-06-05
Posts 202Amidst black roses |
a true heart stirrer. it is very beautifull. i look forward to reading more! hells gate reads Abandon hope all ye that enter here |
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rockbabe Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 105 |
Very dramaticly wriiten,I have had dreams that has left my scared in the worst way possible. I can relate Very Good!!! |
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Venus1974 Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 79Tennessee, USA |
very impacting and leaves one wondering fer sure! Peace and happiness to us all, Venus |
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Tom Zart Senior Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 682 |
The hole poem was darkness at its best. |
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