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Dark Poetry #4
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When I'm Gone
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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When I'm Gone |
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Sorrow Member
since 2006-06-14
Posts 83Ireland |
When Im Gone I'm not here, Don't mind me, I just the spirit of what used to be. I've come back, though not for long, to see how far you all have come. Laughs I hear and smiles I see, it's obvious, you don't miss me. Why should you? There's no reason to! I was never important, at least not to you. I tried so hard just to fit in, But now I see, that was my biggest sin. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Keith - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Internalexile Junior Member
since 2006-06-15
Posts 38UK |
That was pretty darn good  The ryme scheme is excellent and the last couple of lines are quite true of many people who should just be themselves.Internalexile Let the moonlight paint your face, let the stars be your cloak... |
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niere Member
since 2006-04-23
Posts 77 |
This is good, I like it alot. It's sad, but deep and well written great piece |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey sorrow, I’ve never read any of your poems before but if they’re as good as this one you can be sure I will hunt them down and read them! The only thing I thought was a little bit iffy on this poem was this part, “I just the spirit” Shouldn’t the “I” be “I’m”? or on the line “I tried so hard just to fit in” I don’t think I would’ve put the “just”, I feel like the flow is better without it… I know, I know, it’s all little unimportant stuffs, but sometimes it’s the little stuff that counts  I loved the ending though, no! I loved the whole thing, it makes you wonder if the people you call “friends” would even think about you after you die… Great job on this poem, it was awesome! @-->--- |
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Sorrow Member
since 2006-06-14
Posts 83Ireland |
There are a few mis spellings in the poem stargal but I typed it out fairly quick. Thanks for telling me. Glad you liked it. |
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Digital_Hell Member
since 2006-06-05
Posts 202Amidst black roses |
sad and deep. it touches on my heart. Keep up the good work i look forward to hearing more! hells gate reads Abandon hope all ye that enter here |
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trUstNooNe Member
since 2006-05-21
Posts 91 |
Good*i like it.*nice write* |
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