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Sorrow
Member

since 2006-06-14

Posts 83
Ireland

0 posted 2006-06-14 09:01 PM

Dark

This sensation that I'm feeling is something new for me,
Never before have I faced such numbing obsurity,
The thunder clouds are formed out along the bay, the darkness in my heart will not leave today. I roll with the pointlessness of existing in this way each ticking second that scratches by gnaws my soul away.
The path I'm on right now is swallowed by the black, up ahead there's nothing but worse I can't go back. Each new day that dawns is the same as the last there's nothing here but emptiness as I move further down the path. Where are all the people that I used to know? Why aren't they walking with me, where did they all go?

UseTheIllusion
Member

since 2006-02-06

Posts 223
In a state of limbo

1 posted 2006-06-14 09:34 PM

Wow. I really, really, really liked this! Kudos!

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

2 posted 2006-06-15 03:37 AM

I've wondered the same thing.

gyrl_blue
Junior Member

since 2006-06-15

Posts 20
Stuck In Reality

3 posted 2006-06-15 09:41 AM

Vivid, I especially liked "the darkness in my heart will not leave today" - Thanks for sharing - :)

Sorrow
Member

since 2006-06-14

Posts 83
Ireland

4 posted 2006-06-15 01:02 PM

Thanks for the kind words. Glad you like this poem.

perfect stranger
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 54
on cloud 9

5 posted 2006-06-15 10:25 PM

loved the poem but dont worry ive been there life gets better after a while,you seem sad and lonely ,a great poet in this forum.

trUstNooNe
Member

since 2006-05-21

Posts 91

6 posted 2006-06-15 10:49 PM

nice....i like it

cherrys_rule
Member

since 2006-03-18

Posts 442

7 posted 2006-07-18 09:03 PM

MAN CAN I RELATE TO YOUR POEM! I like this one from you. I hope to see more like this from you.

~I'm trapped in this thing called life~

the quell
Member

since 2006-07-19

Posts 144
Liverpool, UK

8 posted 2006-07-19 09:19 AM

I enjoyed this; I liked how it wasn't set out in clear stanzas, it made the structure seem sort of jagged and unusual. I particularly liked the last couple of lines. You can really feel the sense of abandonment there.
Well done

Bobomo
Junior Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 35

9 posted 2006-07-19 05:34 PM

I enjoyed it very much also. I think you captured the saying "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone." Sorrow and pain are the true test of a person.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

10 posted 2006-07-19 06:07 PM

I loved this! The ending, I could so relate too, it is a question many people ask...

I also enjoyed the imagery, it was nice to see

Thanks for sharing

@-->---

rockbabe
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 105

11 posted 2006-07-19 06:49 PM

Very nicely written.
Enjoyed this alot!

Hope top see a whole lot more!!

Venus1974
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 79
Tennessee, USA

12 posted 2006-07-20 12:30 PM

loved it thanx for sharing

Peace and happiness to us all, Venus

Digital_Hell
Member

since 2006-06-05

Posts 202
Amidst black roses

13 posted 2006-07-20 04:10 PM

It was very good. I loved this poem! I have oft times wondered the same things, felt the same way. i could really relate to this poem. Very nicely done. I look forward to more

hells gate reads Abandon hope all ye that enter here
shall we go?
the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Will you walk with me?

Sikanda
Member

since 2002-10-08

Posts 54

14 posted 2006-07-20 08:58 PM

very good

although I would have broken it up into lines a bit more(thats just how I like to write my poetry so ignore this if you want)

for example:

This sensation that I'm feeling is something new for me,
Never before have I faced such numbing obsurity,

The thunder clouds are formed out along the bay, the darkness in my heart will not leave today.

I roll with the pointlessness of existing in this way each ticking second that scratches by gnaws my soul away.

The path I'm on right now is swallowed by the black, up ahead there's nothing but worse I can't go back.

Each new day that dawns is the same as the last there's nothing here but emptiness as I move further down the path.

Where are all the people that I used to know?

Why aren't they walking with me,
where did they all go?

*********************************************
this is your poem though so whatever!

trUstNooNe
Member

since 2006-05-21

Posts 91

15 posted 2006-07-22 07:38 AM

deffintley good,loved how you put the questions at the end,it added something to the whole thing. nice job!

lace_of_light
Junior Member

since 2006-08-02

Posts 44

16 posted 2006-08-02 03:06 PM

I really liked it because of the title. It's so simple and I can totally understand where you're coming from. My only friend moved away a few days ago and I feel completely alone and dark.

Thank you for posting this, it means a lot to me.

"areyouinorareyouout? eitherwayyoucan'twin." he said. "butthefallwillbefantasticandwhat'sleftisnothinglessthanperfection"

greysolace
Member

since 2006-03-27

Posts 71

17 posted 2006-08-04 02:38 AM

similar to somethin i wrote. rekindles those feelings with a new twist. very nice. *claps*

~~Poetry is written emotion~~
greysolace
amaya the phoenix

rockbabe
Member

since 2006-01-29

Posts 105

18 posted 2006-08-04 04:06 AM

It is so strange how one day you can have dozens of people around you as "friends" and the next day there are no one!

Great Write.

sgreybe
Member

since 2000-04-28

Posts 209
London, UK

19 posted 2006-09-14 07:10 AM

Awesome stuff! Loved it.

Thanks for sharing, cheers. Sylvia

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