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Sorrow
Member

since 2006-06-14

Posts 83
Ireland

0 posted 2006-06-15 01:37 PM

Becoming

"What are you becoming?" I just heard you ask. What have I become, search and search until I grasp...The answer is quite clear, you of all people should see it here. After all, your the one who broke me down, wiped the slate, filled me full of tastless HATE. So spit on me to wet the clay then build me up in your own way. You're my cause, your the root, your the power I can't mute! I cut the strings but they're not gone, I can still feel them tugging me along... So what have I become? Answer that yourself now. Do you see how, now, how deep this wound is slit now? How time can't heal it now! And if that's guilt I hear, coming from you there, please don't let it out; you had your chance to mend...but you didn't hear me shout.

Internalexile
Junior Member

since 2006-06-15

Posts 38
UK

1 posted 2006-06-15 01:42 PM

Great! The metaphor used with the clay is awesome!! I really like it

Internalexile

Let the moonlight paint your face, let the stars be your cloak...

niere
Member

since 2006-04-23

Posts 77

2 posted 2006-06-15 02:09 PM

''After all, your the one who broke me down, wiped the slate, filled me full of tastless HATE. So spit on me to wet the clay then build me up in your own way. ''
Those lines are amazing. The whole things is so great.

Brilliant piece.

P.S - You're from Ireland? Me too. Up the Irish! lol

Sorrow
Member

since 2006-06-14

Posts 83
Ireland

3 posted 2006-06-15 09:47 PM

Thanks guys for you kind comments. This is one of my more personal poems and I was very nervous putting it out there.

perfect stranger
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 54
on cloud 9

4 posted 2006-06-16 08:47 AM

brilliant poem a lot of mixed feelings put into it hope you find peace soon.

Alone in the dark
Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss

5 posted 2006-06-18 10:29 AM

This is really, really, good! And I agree with niere. Those lines are amazing

^*^Angel^*^

sgreybe
Member

since 2000-04-28

Posts 209
London, UK

6 posted 2006-09-14 07:07 AM

Great piece. Tearing, searing, the intensity of the pain just leaps out of the page. Good work my friend. Sylvia

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