Writhing in Pain - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Dark Poetry #4

Writhing in Pain

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

0 posted 2006-02-13 09:34 PM

(Stretch the word "loser" out as a background for the first line.)
--------------------------

  [Loser]
Perk and plant sowing seeds of hate
I just want to write
Can you hear what I say
  sight

All of Heaven's angels watching
Their eyes alone fierce mountains
Wait
Like a volcano
I'm the pizza guy
  and they watch over

Dreamy bedlands missile toes Sara
Bouquet of deep maroon red roses
Beneath on the plastered shine table bright white light
Its pure white
Heavy smooth stones placed in a circle around the fireplace
Crisp gently burning flames
Spill
A puddle of red

Have compassion
Uninstructed love
Am I crazy?  Could a shrink REALLY make a difference?
Burnt ashy skull...
  and you don't care

I’m the spirit there from Heaven
Just standing in the room
Music
Oh, how sick?
Crazy
I never sleep...

Its,

CHEAPER,

that way

So what if my wings are too scratched, cut, and beat up to fly... I'll walk.

deadkiss
Junior Member

since 2006-02-11

Posts 31
washington

1 posted 2006-02-14 07:57 PM

i almost think you could take out the first stanza perhaps. other then that this is a great write.

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

2 posted 2006-02-16 04:26 PM

thank you. I love being criticized by other poets. I probably won't change it, but next time I write I'll be a little more proof reading than I was this time.

God bless,
In Christ,
-GIS

So what if my wings are too scratched, cut, and beat up to fly... I'll walk.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.