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Dark Poetry #4
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The Heart
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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The Heart |
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acid_tears_i_cry Junior Member
since 2005-11-25
Posts 24United States, UT |
Cuts too deep...Cant sleep...it bleeds...I scream It wont even leave me... I lied I'm not even lonely... But, i sleep! The sting... It keeps the bleedin... I scream! It wont even leave me... It bleeds...Its steep... until I wake again... High over! Words I cant take in... Painted... White, is all I ever see... Whats next??? I hear you bleed and touch me... My eyes too deep in mystery... Too deep...my dream...it bleeds... so sleep! Pumpin in my dreams... when I sleep... The heart is the only thing that keeps me... breathin, its harder when you hate me... Cryin out my pain... all over these words... Like suicide! So stab me to death, until my heart stops pumpin...stops bleedin... .......Finally...I sleep!.... I cant Look at the shade andymore..its become too bright |
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| © Copyright 2005 Malinda C. Peterson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kaos Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317between space and time |
Powerful piece. I really like the portrayal of the emotions you were feeling, it's very clear and distinct and i loved the piece. The only thing i could think of changing would be insted of ' pumpin, breathin' so on, i thought it read a little better with the 'g' on the end of those kinds of words, but still an excellent piece Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free |
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SATURN Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 78ok,us |
I agree you should add the "g" to the end of the words. otherwise good write. |
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