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SATURN
Member

since 2004-05-04

Posts 78
ok,us

0 posted 2005-11-12 10:46 PM

THE REMEMBRANCE OF
LOVE FOUND AND LOVE LOST
THE REMEMBRANCE OF YOU
OF YOUR LOVE FOUND AND LOST
THE REMEMBRANCE OF THE PAIN
WHEN YOU LEFT MY LIFE
THE REMEMBRANCE OF THE RAIN
ON YOUR FACE IN MAY
THE REMEMBRANCE OF SNOW
IN YOUR HAIR IN JANUARY
THE REMEMBRANCE OF THE
SUN REFLECTING IN YOUR EYES
THE REMEMBRANCE OF YOUR
KIND AND GENTLE TOUCH
ALL OF THESE THINGS
ARE THE REMEMBRANCE
OF YOU

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S

1 posted 2005-11-13 07:53 AM

let me start by saying welcome to the site. your poem here has a very deep message but i believe that the contruction could have been better placed. I say this only because when reading it, it seems broken it parts because there is no patteren or natural flow. but if this is what you intended then wonderful poem and i hopes to see more

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

2 posted 2005-11-13 09:16 AM

Hali~

Welcome to PiP !

This is a lovely penning~

(And ONLY because you encourage constructive critiques would I mention that it is most difficult to read pieces written in ALL CAPS~)

Other than that, I find your piece to be a nice addition to our poetic circle~
Hope to see more~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*No matter what I search for ...
let me know when it is LOVE that I find*~ <))><

Email - [email protected]

SATURN
Member

since 2004-05-04

Posts 78
ok,us

3 posted 2005-11-13 12:00 PM

thanks for welcoming me i did intend for the structure to be broken.

alibaster
Member

since 2001-07-07

Posts 299
In my own private hell...(PA).

4 posted 2005-11-15 11:32 AM

Welome to ...the zoo...may you join us...and let us entertain you!

Enjoyed this very much indeed...agree with the caps though, dear, makes the read a bit rough...otherwise wonderful!

Until...alibaster {the Queen of Darkness}

"There is an alter ego which dwells within every soul."-alibaster

"If it doesn't bite, scratch, and make you bleed it isn't worth it"-alibaster

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

5 posted 2006-01-25 01:55 PM

very cool, very deep message attached to lots of emotional bindings.. awesome write

p.s
agree with the caps thing, otherwise excellent

Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free
-i wrote it somewhere in time

SATURN
Member

since 2004-05-04

Posts 78
ok,us

6 posted 2006-01-27 12:15 PM

much Thanks now that i look at it. it is very hard to read in all caps.

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