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vampiana
Member

since 2004-09-08

Posts 296
Nothing and Nowhere

0 posted 2004-10-10 03:06 AM

I am the ring on your finger.
The diamond in your ear
The glisten in your eye
The sweat on your body
I am everything within
But I hate all you friends
And I hate all your trends.

Don't wanna be taken,
Why am I forsaken?
I don't wanna be taken
By you
But now
All I am
Is an empty shell.

Crouching in the shower
And all the waters dripping down
Transparent drops of beauty
Shining up at me
And my salty tears
Are tainted with blood.

Then I see you
Staring down at me
You're everything, everything
Relected back in me.

But I hate all your friends
And I hate all your trends
I don't wanna be taken
Why am I so forsaken?
Salty tears tainted with blood
I'm bleeding everywhere
Still all you do is stare
The pool is growing
All I see is red
And I'm shivering with pain
Body covered with my blood
And I'm dying, I'm dying
I'm dying, while I'm crying my
Salty tears of blood
Please stop my bleeding
Please start the healing,
NO...
Leave me here to bleed
I don't wanna be taken,
Anymore..

the lone light, in a world of darkness.

silhouetted
Senior Member

since 2004-01-30

Posts 537
New Zealand

1 posted 2004-10-10 03:11 AM

Crouching in the shower
And all the waters dripping down
Transparent drops of beauty
Shining up at me
And my salty tears
Are tainted with blood.

Then I see you
Staring down at me
You're everything, everything
Relected back in me

beautiful.

this sound very much like a song. i liked it aye, cept the 'trends' bit seemed kinda forced, but wat you meant wasn't. gud work

LOR

put your frustrations into four letter words - incubus

vampiana
Member

since 2004-09-08

Posts 296
Nothing and Nowhere

2 posted 2004-10-10 03:13 AM

i wrote it as a song! lol..it is a song, but i thought i might as well post it anyway. did the trends bit sound forced? damnit...it wasnt actually written in a forced way..but oh well..

the lone light, in a world of darkness.

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

3 posted 2004-10-10 08:12 AM

i love they way you have written this... its a beautiful song and i dont think the trends bit sounded forced... i think it all flows really well....
another gem of yours vamp...
keep them coming..
i love your work
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

darkness_witch
Senior Member

since 2003-12-03

Posts 516
Underneath

4 posted 2004-10-11 03:51 AM

Why am I so forsaken?
Salty tears tainted with blood
I'm bleeding everywhere
Still all you do is stare

holy cow(dam i hate not ebing able to swear!)

wow this is so so so amazing. really actually truly great.

hehe ive tried writing a song b4 and came out nowhere near as good as this, the repitition worked soo well. not sure weither the "trends" thing was forced, and if so not that forced. liked it very much

love and empathy
darkness

nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world.

vampiana
Member

since 2004-09-08

Posts 296
Nothing and Nowhere

5 posted 2004-10-11 04:08 AM

hey.
i know! i hate not being able to swear, its so annoying lol.
thanks everyone for the replies!
soph, im sure any songs you've written are awesome...

Just because you're paranoid, doesn't me they're NOT out to get you.

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

6 posted 2004-10-12 02:16 AM

Didn't notice this one making its way down the list. It deserves to be lifted a little higher! I'm eating these addictive Pink Somkers (courtesy to Mayceys) and reeling with inspiration and my cat is being cute! Sorry, you didn't need to know that (its these pink smokers i tell you!)

Right. Yes such a song it would be put to the right tune! Ah! Creepy neighbour! I am going to save this, forever. Such a great read. Golly (lol soph).

Hollow.
Courtney.

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

7 posted 2004-10-12 09:19 AM

ahh the breakaway is the hardest thing to do . . . again, I relate so well to this that I felt as if I were living in a bubble for a very long time, no one understanding me, my writing, anything about me but the person they chose to see, which in reality, was far from who I was and am.

Keep your head up, there is so much out there for you V.

EveGnosis
Member

since 2002-02-21

Posts 300
New York, USA

8 posted 2004-10-12 09:26 AM

i so agree with the responses, and especially littlewing. the thing about posting poetry here versus people understanding is that it is all within our own control as to how people come to know us. we create ourselves here, or we hide the truest parts if we choose. i was to be wed this time last year, and it didn't pan out as planned, mostly because of these misunderstood feelings of which you so eloquently wrote, vampiana.

i, too, love your poetry. i hope i am coming to understand you!

i'll always need a friend, one i can defend.

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