Crying bird - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

darkness_witch
Senior Member

since 2003-12-03

Posts 516
Underneath

0 posted 2004-09-12 05:28 AM

I stumbled
upon a crying bird
with broken wings
an unheard words

I noticed
that I never write
the title
before i begin

Does this say
i dont know what im starting
before im too far in
and too far gone?

I am Ophelia
playing a game
of madness
but have lost myself in it

Loving you
for all you are
hating you
for all you aren't

Hoplessness caught me
before i had a chance
to wish upon a lucky star
for you to come home

Watching through a window
i witnessed a murder
you stole her heart
before my eyes

Hoping you can hear me
I scream out all my thoughts
Hoping you can read me
I write down my confession

(yes I know, total utter madness! haha any thoughts appreciated. And sorry about the title.)

nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world.

~K~
Member

since 2004-07-27

Posts 148

1 posted 2004-09-12 06:07 AM

Hi.

So, are you sorry enough about the title to change it!?

Don't feel bad. We all SUCK at titles at one time or another. Just last Saturday I posted a poem called:

"At the tone the time will be..." Ack!

It really made me gag after I sobered up!

Your poem is good. I like it. But I bet I would like it even better with a different title!

Bye.

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

2 posted 2004-09-12 03:46 PM

"I noticed
that I never write
the title
before i begin

Does this say
i dont know what im starting
before im too far in
and too far gone?"

Wow, wow, wow, this part was so good, I'm like reading this poem jaw-dropping. Loved it...you've been reading a lot of Ophelia's revenge haven't you?

Hollow.
Courts.

Title doesn't bother me, but it intirgued me when I saw you were the author of it. Crying Bird...lol

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World.

vampiana
Member

since 2004-09-08

Posts 296
Nothing and Nowhere

3 posted 2004-09-13 04:11 AM

pretty good poem, i loved some of the lines. yeah, don't worry about the title, thats all it is.. a title, it doesnt change the content, id like it no matter how cool or how bad the title was.

Tomorrow, is the today we feared yesterday.

Purity
Senior Member

since 2001-11-20

Posts 526
Once Upon, USA

4 posted 2004-09-13 10:12 AM

One of the things I can definitively say about your writing is that none can ever predict or expect the actual theme or ending. You continually shock me, not only with "themes within a theme" that I am so there with, but then the added kicker that makes your poems beautiful yet gothically horrific at the same time. Strangely, it works quite well for you, and I enjoyed this one!

"I noticed
that I never write
the title
before i begin

Does this say
i dont know what im starting
before im too far in
and too far gone?"

Excellent!

Lose one friend... Lose all friends... Lose Yourself...

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

5 posted 2004-09-13 05:19 PM

This is far from madness,
(all poets are mad . . .)

This write is amazing in that
you have a gift and that is why you
do not have a title first, the words
stream from you like a waterfall and
within this reverie you end up with
a raw purge of emotion, like above.

Excellent.

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

6 posted 2004-09-13 11:00 PM

I love it. Crying bird, seems more abstract. Like a crying love bird whose just witnessed something he can't really describe, but just like too excited to actually say over the horror of what just happened. Awesome.
-GIS

He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11

darkness_witch
Senior Member

since 2003-12-03

Posts 516
Underneath

7 posted 2004-09-14 02:23 AM

wow thanx so much for the replies.
these replies have made me feel so good! I had been losing my doubt in my writing, but thanks too you guys I geuss I sorta regained my faith.
All of your poems all inspire me so much and make me relaise just how much talent is out there.

thanks again.

love and empathy
darkness

nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.