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Open Poetry #30

The Limiting Factor

viney
New Member

since 2003-12-02

Posts 3

0 posted 2003-12-02 07:16 PM

The Limiting Factor

The clouds, the mountains.
That range, in every sunset.
Obscuring the orange as it fades around us.

The Dark blue dome of Blackness.
Keeping the demons from us all.
Protecting us,
Keeping us down.

My dreams bounce back
As they try, to fly, to the moon
Remind me of life,
And love.
And all I really have to lose.

So I walk with blind precision.
And purpose.
Confident at times.
While others I’m lost.
Caught inside,
All the questions in my mind

As time slips round the dome.
As black as the nothing I have in my heart.
A filter for everything,
I have to hold inside

My mind or my soul.
Which do I answer to?

Alive I’m told.
I choose with cultured tones.
Squeezing these feelings.
Just to fight another day.

My limiting factor,
I dream.
Will one day,
slip away.

In time I decide
I will not be denied
Helpful and useful
This change inside

We fight off the nature,
That’s inside of our minds
Turn back to reflections.
We want to incline.

In hell we can dwell,
On what we once saw.
All the nothings we thought.
As we all stood,
And gawped

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

1 posted 2003-12-03 02:01 PM

There are many excellent thoughts and images that you protrayed very nicely.

I just don't know if I like your final word choice. "gawped" just seems to downplay the rest of it. Just my opinion.

Great job, though!

-*-*-

Bad monkey.

viney
New Member

since 2003-12-02

Posts 3

2 posted 2003-12-03 04:45 PM

Yes can't help but agree with you. it's bugged me for a while that last line. thanks for your input.

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