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Open Poetry #30

Nowhere

Laoha
Member

since 2003-03-07

Posts 161
Nevada, USA

0 posted 2004-01-23 05:39 AM

Clear sky,
and fresh air,
no cars, no music
and nowhere.

The scent of pines,
and the birdsongs,
no television, no phone
and nobody around.

Eyes half-closed,
sitting in lotus position,
with peace and quiet
deep in contemplation.

Caressed by the wind,
bathed in the sunshine,
far away from the dust
alone the great mind.

1/21/2004

Laoha's Pen
Chinapoet

[This message has been edited by Laoha (01-23-2004 06:47 AM).]

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

1 posted 2004-01-23 06:21 AM

I haven't read you before....you have a clear style and I quite liked this.

My one comment - have you thought about formatting your poem to the left, rather than in the centre? The centre may seem like it should be balanced..but it doesn't quite achieve that balance, or any visual strength. That's just imho.

Good work....

Laoha
Member

since 2003-03-07

Posts 161
Nevada, USA

2 posted 2004-01-23 06:49 AM

You got a point. Thanks!

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

3 posted 2004-01-23 07:16 AM

Hey that's so much better, truly!

Cheers,

Laoha
Member

since 2003-03-07

Posts 161
Nevada, USA

4 posted 2004-01-23 10:32 AM

Indeed!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2004-01-23 12:50 PM

I know this well

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