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Open Poetry #30
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Half Past Dipper
| Open Poetry #30 |
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Half Past Dipper |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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Half Past Dipper The wind sang like seaweed slipping by the piles of some old pier it nudged the face slide feel cool release I could drown can you drown in air? It is so blue up there so free and granting light until the night when the sky slanted the big dipper became only half it was dark at half past as I walked the driveway forgotten by the fence to glean the cracks of time tortured Quiet now the reflection of my face as sent from window trace this sleep past time I go to echo other half of dipper mine I am just a traveler looking for a home, finding I carry it around with me, and sometimes it's just too heavy. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Magic. I just don't know how you do it. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
On second thought, I do know. You do it by being Martie. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
gotta agree with Ed here...don't know how you do it, over and over and over... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
What a wonderful memory/image you brought back to me... ...just how dark it can be between mountains.  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
when the sky slanted the big dipper became only half it was dark at half past as I walked the driveway forgotten by the fence to glean the cracks of time tortured Quiet now the reflection of my face as sent from window trace this sleep past time I go to echo other half of dipper mine ================================ I thought you said your muse was missing???  Me thinks you found it...and its starstruck lovely. How foolish must man be, not to be impressed by mountains and trees |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
"it was dark at half past as I walked the driveway forgotten by the fence to glean the cracks of time tortured" *smile* |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Martie, You always stir my fantasy. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"the big dipper became only half it was dark at half past as I walked the driveway forgotten by the fence to glean the cracks of time tortured Quiet now the reflection of my face as sent from window trace this sleep past time I go to echo other half of dipper mine" Beautiful beautiful dear Martie. They are right you know...you are magic! ~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~ In the midst of winter.. |
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KristieSue
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460PA, US |
wow~! "Painting is poetry which is seen and not heard, and poetry is a painting which is heard but not seen." ~Leonardo da Vinci |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Quiet now the reflection of my face as sent from window trace this sleep past time I go to echo other half of dipper mine an ending fitting the rest of the poem... as always my friend.. you amaze me. |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
"I could drown can you drown in air? It is so blue up there so free and granting light until the night" as Cpat said: "amaze"-ing  |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Yes, you are beautiful Martie~ Your poetry brings a quiet peace and leaves me smiling through my tears. Much love and many hugs to you~ |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I could drown can you drown in air? It is so blue up there so free and granting light until the night I noticed the dipper the other night, so cold here and the skies were so clear... very pretty writing Martie. ~smiles M |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
However it is you do it, I'm glad you do. *S* Stunning. *S* |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Ahhhh Martie, to spend an evening with you.... sigh.  M Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
"Quiet now the reflection of my face as sent from window trace this sleep past time I go to echo other half of dipper mine" Enjoyed the images of this Martie and the cool, crisp feel of the night air...  |
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Essential Distress Junior Member
since 2004-01-22
Posts 33 |
yeah nice.. love the seaweed. and if you have lost your muse, take comfort in the fact that you probably are many people's... |
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ascending_ecstasy Member
since 2004-01-21
Posts 102 |
You have too much structure. Too much structure isn't good, then when you read it, it doesn't flow. Let go of structure! thats one of the hardest lessons a writer can learn, let go of structure. In future, try and let it flow... instead of forcing it... |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Oh my .... my .....my. Hugs to you Martie! Chris "At one glance |
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Goodknight Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386Ohio, USA |
Martie - you just do it over and over and...my soul gets touched and surrounded by the words you paint such wonderful pictures with - this is just wonderful - paul |
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Ravenwolfvoyager Member
since 2003-12-25
Posts 326 |
Martie you are an architect of the soul. Beautiful!!!! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Oh MLP....my god...this is superb. How to create the palpable ache. You've achieved it. Yes, you can drown in air... few small comments: I think you may have overused the word 'half' a bit. Still not at all happy how you leave out 'the' and 'a' - guess I'll have to keep nagging about that..... example: 'as sent from window'...oh it yearns for a 'the' I swear it lol. 'I could drown can you drown in air? It is so blue up there so free and granting light until the night' that...I LOVE that. That nice little rhyme inserted there - it works remarkably well. Well done dear one..  K |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Martie, EVERYTHING that you write amazes me! Well done! |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
Dido to all! SG |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Sister~ You just WOW the beejeebers outta me~ You are a true poetry architech ... keep on structuring these classic pennings~ *HUGLETS* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Awwwwwwwww, this is precious, sweet friend, you make everything celestial and come together, sweet friend, may the stars always twinkle around the image in your heart, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Martie, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "You'll find something that's enough to keep you |
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