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Open Poetry #30
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Mudman: Bringing Springwater Home
| Open Poetry #30 |
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Mudman: Bringing Springwater Home |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Feet braking, eroding trail To stream’s tiptoed well placed stones; Near clay bank, searching hands grasped Edges rooted tumbling grass. Blades green towed in clutched hands, Elbows anchored frame to land Eager to explore place beyond; He raised from his knees to stand. His curiosity moved him from the bank. He dodged walnuts flailing leaflets, Lifted green briaring nabs, Straddled century’s fallen logs, Prevented barbed wire grabs. Near sagging fence on steeping hill A splotch of calm greeted eye. Water’s breath waves velvet grass In parceling subtle streamlets by. A dream was theirs to pioneer Land from scratch from Father’s hand. To bring the waters to top the hill A hundred yards for thirst to fill. He cut the earth with blade of shovel, fought release of slurping soil as water trinkled above the dirt and the hole became a muddied spoil Of the splotch of calm, a man-size hole was made While inside pioneer still shoveled side to slide. Oh, what a sight he was, Mud pudding upon his clothes and face. Through hard work, passed creek and hill, Trenching path, picking ax, It wasn’t any thrill, But it made him. My Mudman. [This message has been edited by Sadelite (01-19-2004 10:05 AM).] |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
"Straddled century’s fallen logs Prevented barbed wire grabs." Don't know if you were playing with words with the word century or not, but it did make me think of the Century Home -- get it? So your man found a natural spring, huh, good for that Mud Man! |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
iliana, No connection with the Century Home. Does the new title clarify it better? Thanks for your comment. Sadelite |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Sadie, good, I like that! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Excellent word play, Sadie. Very, very enjoyable! |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Sunshine, Digging the spring was also enjoyable, but hard work! We both looked like mudhogs, but it was one of the best times in our lives. Thank you so much for replying. I started this about three months ago, but didn't want to rush a finish, as it is a special poem for my husband. ~Sadelite~ |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
that actually sounds like fun |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
passisng shadows, Some was fun and some wasn't; when we took turns picking down 39 inches going up the steep hill, we hit a lot of rocks. It was not easy work, but when finished, we felt like we had accomplished something! The fun part was working in the mud! ~Sadelite~ |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
You're right about articles and prepositions, and maybe pronouns too. I definitely agree, though it takes work and none of it is carved in granite. And I enjoyed this poem. Oh, and adjectives.... ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> ______________Ratleader______________ |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Ratleader, You lost me! You'll have to enlighten me...Would it be better if I used only the last four verses? Take care, and thanks for reading and commenting! ~Sadelite~ |
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