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DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

0 posted 2004-01-17 05:42 AM

In my heart
magic sparkling birds wept
for the world

In my mind
clocks strove to chime
imitation

Alarms
bringing reality to nature
we will lose

Dispensing words
as cents from a jar
to a politician's handout

Tried by time
Sentenced by fear
Executed by cowardice

And escape
to the forgotten sound of birds
forgotten

No longer magic sparkling
to your heart
of a land

Kristin Eve
Member

since 2004-01-13

Posts 89
On, Canada

1 posted 2004-01-17 06:26 AM

an interesting depiction of the world.
I like the style and form of this piece.

You are a great writer and i enjoyed this!

"Who you are speaks so loudly...I can hardly hear what you are saying"

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2004-01-17 12:47 PM

I would have to agree

richard taylor
Member

since 2004-01-13

Posts 136

3 posted 2004-01-17 01:15 PM

Hi Dave,
This is good writing, and fine meter throughout I would be intrested to read more of your work.
regards Richard.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

4 posted 2004-01-17 02:29 PM

Dave, this is a really good poem and
very thought-provoking. Thanks for
sharing with us.

Ethel

choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

5 posted 2004-01-17 02:45 PM

Dave,
Nice strong poem and images...~C

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

6 posted 2004-01-17 03:25 PM

Thanks for your words.
I am a bit different in a way or maybe not as I view poetry as a fundamental part of life and not just for romantic although everyone has their own drives and desires and that is really what matters.
I wouldn't say I am a great writer as the more I write I more I learn that I dont know how to in a classical sense.
I can see images like a photograph and I can put myself into seeing through the eyes.
I tried to explain to someone that there are 3 ways to see when writing poetry.
You to the them - the I love the blue of the cold on your face
To them to you - who eyes looked all over the room seeking dust like a maniac
And the third way - I getting hot in here, I wish they sort out my power supply, their noses are running and all I need is a fuse.

regards

Dave

Suetang
Member Ascendant

since 2001-03-07

Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia

7 posted 2004-01-17 09:24 PM

A great write here Dave....much enjoyed.

Take care......Sue

I am in motion
I am blue
Love is an ocean
I'm anchored in you
- Shawn Mullins

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

8 posted 2004-01-17 11:57 PM

"Tried by time
Sentenced by fear
Executed by cowardice"

I love the turn of this phrase (or shall I say, phrases). Excellent piece of writing. Tight and focused. Well done.

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

9 posted 2004-01-18 04:29 PM

Thanks - the three lines were about our inability to see what we are doing until it arrives at our front door.

Thanks Sue - I appreciate your words

Dave

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