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| Open Poetry #30 |
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alan6501 Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 89PA |
BACK Wasting time with this idiotic still-frame I shall never move an inch towards divinity I am only pushed back…back…BACK! Until I’ve fallen into hell’s clone Eating up what sanity I possessed Spitting out the seeds of my inner workings And mapping out a new way of degradation You there! THE ONE WITH THE ANSWERS!!! Can you hear me loud? If I give my all only to take it all back Do I deserve to burn? This still-frame, this time bomb This leach sucking each drop of contentment It’s exploding each and every day So what’s the use in picking up my pieces? What’s the use when I’m within a devilish pattern? When I’m wasting time in an idiotic still-frame? Never moving an inch towards divinity I’m only pushed back…back…BACK!!! I wasn't sure about this poem but I think it has potential. I want to know honestly though, is the concept clear in it? It is mostly concerning the fight to stay right in God's eyes. What does everyone think? |
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| © Copyright 2004 Alan B. Stallsmith - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I think we all can relate at one time or another in life... it's a good write to show the struggle of trying to keep on the right track |
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
Sometimes we get off track and it takes a long time to get back on the right track. Awesome poem. Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
Right or wrong, I feel we never satisfy all the demands "god" places on us,,,,,your poem however, is well written, thought provoking,,,take care Michelle I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike |
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Ravenwolfvoyager Member
since 2003-12-25
Posts 326 |
I agree, it is a struggle and something difficult to capture but it was done very well. It sounded of a plea to be right and worthy in the eyes of God and upset with yourself for not feeling that you've evolved enough to yourself in his eyes. Is that accurate Alan? |
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alan6501 Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 89PA |
Yes, that is basically the gist of it. I wasn't sure if that was completely clear in it. For me, I particularly wanted to emphasize the BACK...BACK...BACK! parts to show how I'm constantly screwing up and not feelings worthy. |
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