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Open Poetry #30
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The Absence
| Open Poetry #30 |
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The Absence |
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alan6501 Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 89PA |
THE ABSENCE In isolation as is this world No emotions allowed They don’t make cash To hell with a stable life There are too many backs to stab And too much self to be full of Maybe we’ll all self-destruct It’d be the first step to reconstruction Of a world that is tainted With the very existence of the human race Things could be so much damn better If we’d stop committing internal suicide And blood-soaking beautiful landscapes With arrogant screams of prideful monsters The devilish spark comes to the surface Violent hands molded by absent parents -Alan650 What do you guys think of this poem? I know its a very intense subject matter but tonight I was in a very intense mood so this is what eventually resulted. I would really appreciate some feedback! I enjoyed getting feedback on the other poems that I posted (The Dance and Seeker) |
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| © Copyright 2004 Alan B. Stallsmith - All Rights Reserved | |||
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I actually liked it...each line making me think, feel and agree... of course, I am in the proper mood for your poem. M |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
alan6501 Thank God you are in a place that allows this, Strong write. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I am a people-watcher, and it's what I do for a living, it's what I do best. People are inherently good...when it comes down to it, people are not self-serving and back-stabbing |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
let me also add that I work with people who make six-digit incomes and have half-million dollar houses and most of them are very giving and caring. |
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Greeneyes  
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
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wickedbeautifulpoetry Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 84Indiana, USA |
I love this poem...it captures the state of the world today beautifully. -katie- |
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alan6501 Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 89PA |
I just wanted to clear some things up about this poem. (specifically to passing shadows) I don't think that people are inherently evil but I do think people (not all but most) are very misguided. Look at the state of the world today-greed, war, and dirty things are all around us. I never meant to make people think that I thought people were just evil and self-serving. Take in mind that I was also in an upset mood when writing this. However, I meant and unfortanately agree with every line of it. It is also a sad reality that parents aren't around as much (specifically fathers) to take care and raise kid. I think this is the biggest problem facing our country today. I just approach poetry with stark honesty and sometimes I guess that can offend others. |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
"If we’d stop committing internal suicide" having read your poem, and the reply's,,,,all I really have to say,,is I agree with the fact that most of the "bad" or "evils" int he world,,are from within,,,,sadly, we(meaning people), learn most evils,,,how we learn them,,,is determined much by how our story unfolds....evil ,,is it internal suicide? a reality? or the fight we have against what we've learned over the years?.....and,,,when we find the answer,,,,will we learn from that?,,,, take care Michelle I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This poem made me think... and in spite of the obstacles that presents to a blonde, I like a read that does! *G* |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
Alan,,, No new stuff for me? hmmmmmmm care to do a duet sometime? Michelle I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike |
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alan6501 Member
since 2004-01-03
Posts 89PA |
Hey Michelle. Actually I was planning on posting another one!I'm glad you enjoy reading my poetry so much. A duet? Hmmmm. I've never done that before but how would we do that? Intriguing idea!!! Ok, I'll post another one after this. |
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