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Open Poetry #30
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Watching Rain
| Open Poetry #30 |
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Watching Rain |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass 
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Watching Rain It falls simply; you can see it in the distance, the soft gray veil trailing slowly down from a cloud, watch the drench pull toward you while it comes, feel the drops beginning, the press of wind…. Know what you know of winds and the barometer, you cannot change the way of it. Further out, watch the radar roll, see it roiling inward bound from a week away, coming down across the sea, ineluctably pressing toward the land… Know what you know of air masses and the jetstreams, you cannot stay or turn its course. The storm will be. And when the lightning strikes, it is not enough to know why. [This message has been edited by Ratleader (01-03-2004 01:54 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 Ed Ratledge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
the pictures you made with this.... so real. Not sure if its a good feeling or a bad one I get from this... but its strengthening, in whatever that may be. love it. Always, Alyssa He was a man of sorrows |
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wordwizard Member
since 2003-09-08
Posts 483on the way to next world |
the forces of nature, well described...miss decent snowfalls as they once were here as southern Canada gets warmer. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
it is not enough to know why |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
and the barometer, you cannot change the way of it. true that Ed, but actually... the barometer tells how it's going to be. nice to read you  M "I can't believe |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I really like this Ed... I like your line breaks, and I like your visual spacing. I'm not sure, however, of your italics. Italics in such a blocked style are almost distracting and even a little weak. Much have I learned, to my chagrin, of the use of italics in my own writing...perhaps to create the sense of division between the blocks you could rely more on space...ie, leave a blank line between the right-aligned stanzas, and the indented italicked blocks...visual distance is often effective between stanzas.. Another suggestion - watch those adverbs...again, a weakening agent. might I suggest you read line 2 aloud with the word 'slowly' in it, and then without it - see how much stronger the line becomes when the adverb is removed. Same with ineluctably even though its a nice word lol... Cheers, thanks for the read..  K[This message has been edited by Severn (01-03-2004 07:56 AM).] |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
The storm will be. And when the lightning strikes, it is not enough to know why. I love rain storms, they drench other thoughts and even though noisy, make me feel calmer inside...strange effect M |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"not enough to know why" indeed. Knowing doesn't change a damned thing, much to my chagrin. and? not to pick a fight with Kamla, grinning here, but I liked the italics  Nice work, Ed. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
(them seems like fightin' words to me Miss K...I'll meet you outside... heh) K |
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Patricia Member Elite
since 2003-04-06
Posts 2160Missouri |
Ed, I get a sense of the logical, rational self attempting to make sense of the emotional self... Right brain left brain conflict. And while this may not have been your intent of this piece, this is what I found in your words because it is something I know very well, and struggle with often. Understanding the mechanics is not enough for me either, but I often try to justify feelings using logic...perhaps I just need to hear the thunder and see lightning...and just feel the feel. This piece got me thinking, as you can see. But more than that...it got me "feeling." Such a wonderful write! Patricia |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Watching rain ... I love your poem and I love to witness storms .... (from a safe distance!). The secret lies in being able to flow with events ... even the ligthning has a purpose and to know this might well be enough. Love, Margherita |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
i like it to come unexpectadly to just trickle down like the call of love |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Ratleader It is not enough to know why. Would you rather know how? LOL Enjoyed |
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Bonnie j Senior Member
since 2003-06-27
Posts 1588Ohio |
Morning RL Looking out my window seeing dark clouds and rain. Must be a day with thoughts of rain, clouds and the spiraling wind. See Ya Love Bon-Bon  |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ed...Agreeing with Patricia here...I feel a conflict between the emotions and reason. A great ending line there ....giving the feeling of powerlessness either way you look at it. A great metaphor for some of life's challenges. Well done! and a hug! [This message has been edited by Martie (01-03-2004 12:17 PM).] |
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Goodknight Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386Ohio, USA |
Ed - great poem and it generates lots of thoughts and wondering - thanks Paul |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
It falls simply; you can see it in the distance, the soft gray veil trailing slowly down from a cloud, And when the lightning strikes, it is not enough to know why. How can one poem fill me with both peacefulness and agitation? It seems impossible... and yet... it is.... you haven't just watched the rain, you've captured the elements. *S* This is magnificent, my friend... another to be read on many levels... and enjoyed on every one of them. *S* |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Well, Ed, a good discussion going, huh? All I know is that I love the rain!! LOL Hugs, my friend  Ethel |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Ed~ My favorite by you... and another vote for the italics... "if you won't let me fall for you |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
I do like getting that kind of comments about my work! Seeing how other people think about the way I write always gives me things to think about and maybe improve. Gotta love that. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
I knew you would, Ed.  |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
RatL, We are running some of the same thoughts again-and I see helpful comments here that apply to my "to change the SHAPE of RAIN"; BTW, I liked it. All your poems have a different style or flavor, kind of like Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream! Sometimes, I'm in more of a scientific mood than other and would like reading this type. Don't change a thing. You're fortunate to be able to present many different styles. [This message has been edited by Sadelite (01-07-2004 09:18 AM).] |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
A lightening "crescendo", I like it. While I have the greatest admiration for those of you who are part of the sea, I'd much rather watch the view from the beach! ~K~ |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Sorry you had a rough day or week or two weeks. Hope things improve. Just remember, the good things that happen are usually things we least expect! always a fan  Forgot to add that this poem really impressed me -- my comment above, perhaps, is reading between the lines a bit. [This message has been edited by iliana (01-07-2004 04:27 PM).] |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
A very enjoyable read.... I love watching storms. I often step out on my balcony and just watch the lightening and the rain and listen intently to the thunder. It seems soo supernatural to me!!!! Bridgette  "Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again. To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown |
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