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Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

0 posted 2003-11-25 05:28 PM

    paper pillow crackled,
      bending ink
         beneath his head

               paper pillow softened
                  by his tears
                    quantity shed

                        sifting paper powder
                              parting words
                                  from red

           processing over
             and over,
               growing thoughts

                       s p r e a d.

[This message has been edited by Sadelite (11-25-2003 06:37 PM).]

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2003-11-25 06:45 PM

Very very nicely penned...and much enjoyed.
Hugs~

~I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before~

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

2 posted 2003-11-25 06:50 PM

I love the way you did this.
Very good writing.

Hugs

Ethel

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

3 posted 2003-11-25 06:51 PM

Hello Enchantress,
Thanks for the very,very! I woke up at 4:00 this morning with a neckache, paper pillow and paper powder going through my head--just had to do something with those words!
Sadelite

[This message has been edited by Sadelite (11-25-2003 06:55 PM).]

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

4 posted 2003-11-25 06:53 PM

Ethel,
Thank you for your kind words. I'm a'learning, slowly, but from the best. The people here are the greatest.
Sadelite

[This message has been edited by Sadelite (11-25-2003 06:55 PM).]

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

5 posted 2003-11-26 04:24 PM

Have you been peeping inside my head again??

Love the way you handled this, using the structure to build the meaning.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

6 posted 2003-11-26 04:42 PM

This one flows out like the first light of dawn. It has that insomniatic, can't-wake-can't-sleep feel to it. Awesome.

Mike

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

7 posted 2003-11-27 06:26 PM

Hello Ratleader,
   So we meet again.   No--I have not been peeping in your head again.  You just have so many ideas going through your head that someone is bound to find one and write about it!   Thank you for your kind comments--this stuff is pretty new to me and it's nice to know when I happen upon something that works.
Thanks again for the feedback!
                          Sadelite

bsquirrel,
   You know, I think this may have poured out a little bit before dawn!  I appreciate your kindness.
                          Sadelite

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