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Open Poetry #30
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The Effect She Has (re-written)
| Open Poetry #30 |
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The Effect She Has (re-written) |
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j_123321 New Member
since 2003-12-27
Posts 7 |
I'd just like to apologise for any offence that may have been caused by the first version of this poem. Please comment on it. I wrote it when I was confused by where I stood with my girlfreind and how I suspected the worse. THE EFFECT SHE HAS There aint no glory 'cause i'm living in hell, I know that every single person's got a story to tell, I never take rubbish and I dont take no prisoners, I'm the story teller now so you going to be the listeners: When you get a beating, damn it hurts, Feels like you been shoved in dirt, No matter how much you try, you jus cant find the words, To describe how you feelin inside, Something's been beaten, crushed, eaten alive, But multiply that pain by a number, The number of seconds you've been livin', And you still dont get the pain I've been given, 'Cause it might hurt to get pysical pain, But it hurts even more wen you'd give anything for someone and they dont feel the same. Arrgh, I hate it, its driving me crazy, If she was your girl, you definately wouldn't blame me, I know I can't compete with other lads, And its so annoying because this is the effect she has, It's like I either stay in the relationship AKA the flame, Get hurt again and take a 3rd degree burn, Or I go to the lonely cold and so freeze in turn. It's a problem now 'cause I'm really confused, It's a problem now 'cause I'm used to bein used, I've always tried to treat people how I want to be treated, And in most cases, its mission completed, My attitude is never usually defeatist, But its worryin now that I'm bein called the sweetest, Because its true that nice guys finish last, If you need some evidence just look at my past. I dont want to get hurt again so I just can't take it, Her loving me is an emotion, she can't just fake it, This is my dilemna, worse than Cain's, the other brother, But it's so much worse because I know I really love her. |
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| © Copyright 2003 j_123321 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DavePage Member Elite
since 2003-12-21
Posts 2917 |
It sounds to state the obvious that you are in love Very good words, good images, good feelings regards Dave |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
this was a very sad but yet brilliant poem, your rhyming schemes were amazing... I look forward to reading more from you! this was definitely honest and sincere, and very heartfelt. Take care. Amy  "When life gives you sorrow, may you experience the spirit of laughter" |
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Greeneyes  
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Welcome to Passions....I hope you enjoy your time here.....a heartfelt first post, sometimes love can be confusing....keep writing, it will help.... Greeneyes~ This morning there’s a calm I can’t explain |
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