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Open Poetry #29
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untitled(wranx's masquerade challenge)
| Open Poetry #29 |
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untitled(wranx's masquerade challenge) |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space 
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I still smell you Weighed upon me in a hungered gravity leaving me in want of words and of you Try as I might I cannot pull you from the gloss and into arms your pictures are anchors sinking me into the depths of perfect eyes that reflect the sea that lies between us ____________________________________________________ a horrible attempt at this poet's style and spirit, all apologies [This message has been edited by Aenimal (11-15-2003 04:20 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 raphael giuffrida - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I see a bit-a Susie Q |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
sigh..nope..see i completely tanked this no more writing for awhile nite folks |
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darkatnoon Junior Member
since 2003-11-07
Posts 11 |
hey,there's nothing bag trying to change style or showing the other side  .I kinda like the idea of being human....whatever! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Raph you're fine, it's me..I'm no good at guessing stuff...I also saw a bit of Helen here too it is a good write, by you, whoever it is |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
I don't care whose rubber face you wore while writing this as exercise I laid it down a dozen different ways your's came out the best |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I disagree. A very honorable attempt... and I'm glad you came to the ball! |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
I saw Mish in this. Please stay. |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
no no too brilliant for me, kaoru.....i see |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Raff, I find this work to be altogether, a thing of beauty. And so? A most fitting tribute to whichever poet you emulate. But? *sniff* *sniff* Hmmmm, Do I smell a brodent? |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Oh Raphael, this is wonderful, dearest friend, I just love your style here and believe every poet has a unique voice and we are free to experiment with all kinds of form! (big hugggssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Raphael, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Raph, this sounds like Greeneyes to me. I don't know about the "across the sea", though. But, this is absolutely beautiful, whoever it is. [This message has been edited by garysgirl (11-15-2003 11:29 AM).] |
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pandonov Member
since 2003-10-03
Posts 478b/w conscience and insolence |
to see u in what is not tipically u, great attempt, and some awesome lines, but somehow it feels unfinished in a way, i don't know where or why. sry Raph, didn't mean to be an a_s , just felt like something was missing in the way u said it, or... |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
this is a wonderful poem!!! I think it's wranx... ~K~ |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
You're all way too kind, it's painfully evident how off the mark this poem is. I don't know why i posted it, I was disappointed in it from the beginning and I've already written the poet a brief apology. Pandonov is correct, unfinished, as everything i've written of late has felt. Writing the last few weeks has been torture. Struggling to come up with something and then struggling to flesh out ideas I've had. Thanks for the read and comments, see you all soon I'll read when I can. At the moment there's a desperate need to distance myself from words. [This message has been edited by Aenimal (11-15-2003 02:06 PM).] |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
"I still smell you Weighed upon me in a hungered gravity.." "I cannot pull you from the gloss and into arms your pictures are anchors.." ~~~ Raph, the most stunning I have read from you in a while. Don't you dare underestimate this one. I'm sure your apology to the inspiration for this was rejected, this is beautiful. |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
I in truth think you are one of the most talented poets I've read.....this is a stunning write from you...so I know whoever it is will be more then honored.... Lauren~ i carry your heart with me |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Hey Raph, this is really beautiful. I don't know why you're beating yourself up so bad, although I know the feeling. My recent poem leaves a lot to be desired, makes me feel guilty for taking up space like that. I wanted to rise to the challenge, but found myself writing to the woman instead of trying to fill her shoes...needless to say I bagged it early on! I only wish I wrote this, I mean it!! I think the entire masquerade is more a merging of styles, and you out did yourself!!! So there!  |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Hey Raph? this is Mikey, isnt it? your pictures are anchors *smile* nice job stop hitting yourself over there sheesh beautiful writing xxoo |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Mikey was my first guess, then for some reason, Mish. Whomever..it's a finished write in its own right. Don't you dare run away from us. But a mini-vacation is always allowed.  God isn't finished with you yet, so why should this art work be finished? |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I don't know what the challenge is but now I am going to have to go find out.. Raph, I love this, it's so romantic, for lack of a better word...the whole feel here....I relate to it very much. I am keeping this one |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
shrugs I thought it was kaoru I wanna playyy! hehehe and yes this is awsomes. whooo...please stop putting yerself down. or I will hurt you. What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall? |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
To me, it was a cross between littlewing and Kaoru. But regardless of who the poet is you were trying to emulate, you came up with one hellova fine poem. Raph, you are your own worst enemy at times ~ but then again, that seems to be the way it is with those who have been blessed with a streak of greatness!  Love & Harmony, Linda |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Hey Bello, Greeneyes is right... you are one of the most talented poets I've read. this is really a stunning and thoughtful piece from you...and I am so very honoured that you'd want to capture my style and spirit and you did it wonderfully.  &  M fate is not just |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
ohh man I should have known . . . well Mikey was close *smile* Beautiful Raph |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Raph, finished or unfinished.. all of these words mix perfectly together. Sometimes things are better left for others to finish, or even just for you to finish in the confines of your own head.. To me, this is perfection..which is key. Please, continue on... |
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Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
I wont guess, but I only know one style, but don't be gone long, you are too good. Jason |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Raph, don't you dare change or add a word....this is finished, it flows like silk and reads beautifully. It's good to read you again, you're my inspiration yanno...maybe someday you'll let me borrow your muse Melissa Intellectually I know that Canada is no better than any other country. Emotionally I KNOW that Canada is the best country in the world! |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Even though I think this is great...I hesitated to bring it back to the front page, afraid Raph would get upset all over again...then I remembered I am in Florida.. "if you won't let me fall for you |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
well done |
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