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Open Poetry #29
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Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

0 posted 2003-11-15 04:16 AM


I still smell you

Weighed upon me
in a hungered gravity
leaving me in want of words

and of you

Try as I might
I cannot pull you
from the gloss and into arms
your pictures are anchors

sinking me into the depths
of perfect eyes that reflect

the sea that lies between us


____________________________________________________
a horrible attempt at this poet's style and spirit, all apologies

[This message has been edited by Aenimal (11-15-2003 04:20 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 raphael giuffrida - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2003-11-15 04:24 AM


I see a bit-a Susie Q
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
2 posted 2003-11-15 04:27 AM


sigh..nope..see i completely tanked this no more writing for awhile

nite folks

darkatnoon
Junior Member
since 2003-11-07
Posts 11

3 posted 2003-11-15 05:23 AM


hey,there's nothing bag trying to change style or showing the other side .I kinda like the idea of being human....whatever!
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2003-11-15 06:22 AM


Raph you're fine, it's me..I'm no good at guessing stuff...I also saw a bit of Helen here too

it is a good write, by you, whoever it is

icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
5 posted 2003-11-15 07:35 AM


I don't care
whose rubber face you wore
while writing this
as exercise
I laid it down
a dozen different ways
your's came out the best

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2003-11-15 07:39 AM



I disagree.  A very honorable attempt...
and I'm glad you came to the ball!

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
7 posted 2003-11-15 10:39 AM


I saw Mish in this.
Please stay.

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
8 posted 2003-11-15 10:59 AM


no no
too brilliant for me,
kaoru.....i see

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
9 posted 2003-11-15 11:18 AM


Raff,
I find this work to be altogether, a thing of beauty. And so? A most fitting tribute to whichever poet you emulate.

But? *sniff* *sniff* Hmmmm, Do I smell a brodent?

Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
10 posted 2003-11-15 11:25 AM




(smiles) Oh Raphael, this is wonderful, dearest friend, I just love your style here and believe every poet has a unique voice and we are free to experiment with all kinds of form! (big hugggssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Raphael, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

garysgirl
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Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
11 posted 2003-11-15 11:26 AM


Raph, this sounds like Greeneyes to me.
I don't know about the "across the sea", though.
But, this is absolutely beautiful, whoever it is.

[This message has been edited by garysgirl (11-15-2003 11:29 AM).]

pandonov
Member
since 2003-10-03
Posts 478
b/w conscience and insolence
12 posted 2003-11-15 11:36 AM


to see u in what is not tipically u, great attempt, and some awesome lines, but somehow it feels unfinished in a way, i don't know where or why. sry Raph, didn't mean to be an
a_s , just felt like something was missing in the way u said it, or...

Kahlil
Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881

13 posted 2003-11-15 11:42 AM


this is a wonderful poem!!!  I think it's wranx...   ~K~
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
14 posted 2003-11-15 01:58 PM


You're all way too kind, it's painfully evident how off the mark this poem is. I don't know why i posted it, I was disappointed in it from the beginning and I've already written the poet a brief apology. Pandonov is correct, unfinished, as everything i've written of late has felt. Writing the last few weeks has been torture. Struggling to come up with something and then struggling to flesh out ideas I've had.
Thanks for the read and comments, see you all soon I'll read when I can. At the moment there's a desperate need to distance myself from words.

[This message has been edited by Aenimal (11-15-2003 02:06 PM).]

gemjop
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA
15 posted 2003-11-15 04:06 PM


"I still smell you

Weighed upon me
in a hungered gravity.."

"I cannot pull you
from the gloss and into arms
your pictures are anchors.."


~~~
Raph, the most stunning I have read from you in a while. Don't you dare underestimate this one. I'm sure your apology to the inspiration for this was rejected, this is beautiful.

Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
16 posted 2003-11-15 04:40 PM


I in truth think you are one of the most talented poets I've read.....this is a stunning write from you...so I know whoever it is will be more then honored....


Lauren~

i carry your heart with me
i am never without it
you are what a moon has always meant sky of sky
the wonder that keeps stars apart-
e.e.cummings

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
17 posted 2003-11-15 05:04 PM


Hey Raph, this is really beautiful.  I don't know why you're beating yourself up so bad, although I know the feeling.  My recent poem leaves a lot to be desired,  makes me feel guilty for taking up space like that. I wanted to rise to the challenge, but found myself writing to the woman instead of trying to fill her shoes...needless to say I bagged it early on!

I only wish I wrote this, I mean it!!

I think the entire masquerade is more a merging of styles, and you out did yourself!!!  So there!  

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
18 posted 2003-11-15 05:05 PM


Hey Raph?

this is Mikey, isnt it?

your pictures are anchors

*smile*

nice job
stop hitting yourself over there
sheesh
beautiful writing
xxoo

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
19 posted 2003-11-16 10:20 AM


Mikey was my first guess, then for some reason, Mish.
Whomever..it's a finished write in its own right.
Don't you dare run away from us.
But a mini-vacation is always allowed.

God isn't finished with you yet, so why should this art work be finished?

SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
20 posted 2003-11-16 10:23 AM


I don't know what the challenge is but now I am going to have to go find out..
Raph, I love this, it's so romantic, for lack of a better word...the whole feel here....I relate to it very much. I am keeping this one

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

21 posted 2003-11-16 12:09 PM


shrugs

I thought it was kaoru

I wanna playyy!

hehehe

and yes this is awsomes. whooo...please stop putting yerself down. or I will hurt you.

What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall?
All walls are great, if the roof doesn't fall.
-yorke/bjork

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
22 posted 2003-11-16 01:05 PM



To me, it was a cross between littlewing and Kaoru. But regardless of who the poet is you were trying to emulate, you came up with one hellova fine poem. Raph, you are your own worst enemy at times ~ but then again, that seems to be the way it is with those who have been blessed with a streak of greatness!

Love & Harmony,
Linda

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

23 posted 2003-11-16 03:45 PM


Hey Bello, Greeneyes is right... you are one of the most talented poets I've read. this is really a stunning and thoughtful piece from you...and I am so very honoured that you'd want to capture my style and spirit and you did it wonderfully. &

M

fate is not just
whose cooking  smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)


littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
24 posted 2003-11-16 04:15 PM


ohh man I should have known . . .  well Mikey was close *smile*

Beautiful Raph


Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
25 posted 2003-11-16 05:01 PM


Raph, finished or unfinished.. all of these words mix perfectly together.

Sometimes things are better left for others to finish, or even just for you to finish in the confines of your own head..

To me, this is perfection..which is key.

Please, continue on...

Jason Lyle
Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438
With my darkling
26 posted 2003-11-16 08:02 PM


I wont guess, but I only know one style, but don't be gone long, you are too good.

Jason

Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
27 posted 2003-11-16 09:39 PM


Raph, don't you dare change or add a word....this is finished, it flows like silk and reads beautifully.  It's good to read you again, you're my inspiration yanno...maybe someday you'll let me borrow your muse

Melissa

Intellectually I know that Canada is no better than any other country. Emotionally I KNOW that Canada is the best country in the world!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
28 posted 2003-11-17 02:39 PM


Even though I think this is great...I hesitated to bring it back to the front page, afraid Raph would get upset all over again...then I remembered I am in Florida..

"if you won't let me fall for you
then you won't see the best that I would love to do for you"
~Dido~

Brad Majors
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
29 posted 2003-11-17 02:47 PM


well done
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