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Open Poetry #29
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Ratleader
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0 posted 2003-10-25 12:37 PM



Brush Fire

Ashes fall like snow
out of the distant burning,
dry flecks on the green.
We burn with a better flame,
our scattered ashes
drawn into the raging heat,
seared together, given life.



_______________________________________

I asked folks for a little vote on two versions
of this poem, and this one won.... I moved the
other one down into the thread....enjoy!

[This message has been edited by Ratleader (10-25-2003 10:16 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Ed Ratledge - All Rights Reserved
Lotus Breeze
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since 2003-09-06
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1 posted 2003-10-25 12:42 PM


I like both, but second better, more nature.  Can you just make one poem from both?  Then it be even better
Martie
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California
2 posted 2003-10-25 12:59 PM


Ed...I like the first!  
KoKo
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since 2003-02-15
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Inside the shadow's shadow
3 posted 2003-10-25 02:07 AM


I like the first, also
pandonov
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since 2003-10-03
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b/w conscience and insolence
4 posted 2003-10-25 02:26 AM


definitely the first
Bonnie j
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since 2003-06-27
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Ohio
5 posted 2003-10-25 10:12 AM


ED
I was flying by on my trusty broom and happened across this poem.
I like both versions. Why not turn it into one?

The Chocolate Monster has read this poem.

Sunshine
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6 posted 2003-10-25 10:13 AM


Argh!  How dare you make me decide!  I like the second one because of the false ice imagery.  If I didn't know what ash looked like before, I would now.

I know!  YOU decide!  

Ratleader
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7 posted 2003-10-25 10:13 AM


Sounds like #2 loses out to #1 ... I think I like that, since #1 has a happier attitude. I'll keep #2 here in case anybody's interested and the winner goes to the top!


Brush Fire

Ashes fall like snow
out of the distant burning,
dry flecks on the green.
Its heat and light masked, hidden
by distance and smoke,
still it penetrates this place,
sends false ice to mar the grass.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Midnitesun
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Gaia
8 posted 2003-10-25 10:14 AM


I saved this, as I enjoyed both, but feel they can easily become one with a couple of changes.
Day and night, the flames dance a bit differently, heh?

Ratleader
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9 posted 2003-10-25 10:20 AM


Wow, I thought my little poem was taking a tumble, so I called the election -- and got three replies while typing it!

Ya never can tell......

Thanks everybody for stopping to read -- and I'll think about that idea of combining them. Maybe the two endings can learn to live in the same poem, with a few adjustments....

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
10 posted 2003-10-25 11:09 AM



"two endings can learn to live

in one poem"

Now, Sir, there's a thought for you.

And a poem, unto itself.

Seymour Tabin
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Tamarac Fla
11 posted 2003-10-25 11:28 AM


Ratleader


passing shadows
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displaced
12 posted 2003-10-25 02:05 PM


hell I like 'em both
suthern
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Louisiana
13 posted 2003-10-25 05:20 PM


I wasn't around for the choosing... but I know there is no losing where your work is concerned... Both versions are excellent! *S* I would find it very hard to pick so I'm very grateful you left them both... one has more human emotion and positive resolution... the other an imagery so vivid I cough reflexively from seared throat. Wonderful work, my friend. *S*
Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
14 posted 2003-10-25 05:35 PM


Ed~
Me like both ... but give the nod to #1 as the betterer of the two~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram
   noles1@totcon.com     

Mistletoe Angel
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15 posted 2003-10-25 07:04 PM




(smiles) Oh Ed, I love them both as they are both genuine and straight from the heart but being more of a fan of upbeat poetry, the first was my favorite! (big hugggsssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ed, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

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