»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #29
»
Brush Fire
| Open Poetry #29 |
|
Brush Fire |
|
Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass 
|
Brush Fire Ashes fall like snow out of the distant burning, dry flecks on the green. We burn with a better flame, our scattered ashes drawn into the raging heat, seared together, given life. _______________________________________ I asked folks for a little vote on two versions of this poem, and this one won.... I moved the other one down into the thread....enjoy! [This message has been edited by Ratleader (10-25-2003 10:16 AM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Ed Ratledge - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Lotus Breeze Member
since 2003-09-06
Posts 112 |
I like both, but second better, more nature. Can you just make one poem from both? Then it be even better |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ed...I like the first!  |
||
|
KoKo Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995Inside the shadow's shadow |
I like the first, also |
||
|
pandonov Member
since 2003-10-03
Posts 478b/w conscience and insolence |
definitely the first |
||
|
Bonnie j Senior Member
since 2003-06-27
Posts 1588Ohio |
ED I was flying by on my trusty broom and happened across this poem. I like both versions. Why not turn it into one? The Chocolate Monster has read this poem.  |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Argh! How dare you make me decide! I like the second one because of the false ice imagery. If I didn't know what ash looked like before, I would now. I know! YOU decide!  |
||
|
Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Sounds like #2 loses out to #1 ... I think I like that, since #1 has a happier attitude. I'll keep #2 here in case anybody's interested and the winner goes to the top! Brush Fire Ashes fall like snow out of the distant burning, dry flecks on the green. Its heat and light masked, hidden by distance and smoke, still it penetrates this place, sends false ice to mar the grass. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
||
|
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
I saved this, as I enjoyed both, but feel they can easily become one with a couple of changes. Day and night, the flames dance a bit differently, heh? |
||
|
Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Wow, I thought my little poem was taking a tumble, so I called the election -- and got three replies while typing it! Ya never can tell...... Thanks everybody for stopping to read -- and I'll think about that idea of combining them. Maybe the two endings can learn to live in the same poem, with a few adjustments.... ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
"two endings can learn to live in one poem" Now, Sir, there's a thought for you. And a poem, unto itself. |
||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Ratleader  |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
hell I like 'em both |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I wasn't around for the choosing... but I know there is no losing where your work is concerned... Both versions are excellent! *S* I would find it very hard to pick so I'm very grateful you left them both... one has more human emotion and positive resolution... the other an imagery so vivid I cough reflexively from seared throat. Wonderful work, my friend. *S* |
||
Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Ed~ Me like both ... but give the nod to #1 as the betterer of the two~  *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
||
Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Oh Ed, I love them both as they are both genuine and straight from the heart but being more of a fan of upbeat poetry, the first was my favorite! (big hugggsssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ed, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
