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Open Poetry #28
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inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio

0 posted 2003-09-15 09:47 PM



prefabricated clouds
stack the sky,

thick as curdled milk,
they frame the muted trees
that line the row houses,

pieces placed
strategically
on a game board,

no thing moves,

life's a stalemate,

the pallete dipped upon
by overused brushes,

poetry no longer paints here,

even the blackbirds
freed of the magician's hat
can't slice the fugue state,

getting lost in the pockets
the loom of clouds are weaving


[This message has been edited by inkedgoddess (09-15-2003 09:56 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 inkedgoddess - All Rights Reserved
Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

1 posted 2003-09-15 09:53 PM


this is a breathless write. really really great.

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
2 posted 2003-09-15 10:24 PM


even the blackbirds
freed of the magician's hat
can't slice the fugue state,

getting lost in the pockets
the loom of clouds are weaving

Extremely well written piece !! hugs, Chris

"Hope" is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul ~
            Emily Dickinson




    

Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
3 posted 2003-09-15 10:39 PM




(big hugggsssssss) This is a wonderfully, haunting expression, dearest friend, your poetry always has unique and scintillating imgery to it, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

mytuesdaywishes
Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 254
a voice from the musicbox
4 posted 2003-09-15 11:09 PM


wow, such powerful imagery, absolutely suggests mastery of your surroundings and how you respond to them.


vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
5 posted 2003-09-15 11:13 PM



"the pallete dipped upon
by overused brushes,

poetry no longer paints here,

even the blackbirds
freed of the magician's hat
can't slice the fugue state,"

Such cool lines in this.  Love it, Michele.
Hugs,
~Vicky

When the power of love overcomes the
love of power the world will know peace.
-Jimi Hendrix

QjQ
Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756
U.S.A.
6 posted 2003-09-16 02:23 AM


                                

Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
7 posted 2003-09-16 02:48 AM


amazing write..
Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
8 posted 2003-09-16 09:34 AM


At first sight I thought you'd drawn a pun from Ahemingway.....

....but it wasn't so, just the perfect title for a wordsong of subtle tones and shadings, that shows a feeling I've known all too often.

One line isn't true, though -- "poetry no longer paints here," ....maybe not there, but most certainly here, because while this is not written in your most usual style, it's one of your best.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

mysticpoe
Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883

9 posted 2003-09-16 09:54 AM


lingering and solace, those feelings which give us a chance to ponder and feel good. That's what this write did for me. Thanks, enjoyed.

mysticpoe

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

[This message has been edited by mysticpoe (09-16-2003 09:55 AM).]

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
10 posted 2003-09-16 01:35 PM


ahh melancholy bittersweet Michele
always an art in itself reading you
xxoo

SharaRose
Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~
11 posted 2003-09-16 01:43 PM


Well we can tell your head was in the clouds! Just kidding around. This made me think of those days you lay in the grass, and look to the sky to see if you can see a form of something in the clouds. Very nice to read.

SharaRose @-->--

Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
12 posted 2003-09-16 01:53 PM


"getting lost in the pockets
the loom of clouds are weaving"

A very moving reminder..

Susan

Opeth
Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543
The Ravines
13 posted 2003-09-16 02:04 PM


This is one of, if not, the best poem of yours, that I have had the pleasure to read. Enjoyed!

"If this grand panorama before me is what you call God...then God is not dead."

[This message has been edited by Opeth (09-16-2003 02:08 PM).]

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
14 posted 2003-09-16 07:00 PM


thanks wind for the breathlessness

chris, glad u liked

noah, thanks for stopping by

tueday, welcome here


vicky, thanks for pointing out the lines

Q, thanks for the lift off

meghan, wow to you too

Ed, glad you enjoyed...yes, A Moveable Feast,not the book though the CD
by Fairport Convention.....listening to CD
at the time

mystic, glad i could be Dr. Feelgood

Sue, yes art it is some days, thanks

shara, yes something like that lost in the
clouds

thanks susan, glad i could move u

opeth....thats a nice compliment, thank you

[This message has been edited by inkedgoddess (09-16-2003 07:01 PM).]

bklynboy
Senior Member
since 2002-12-15
Posts 660
florida
15 posted 2003-09-17 07:42 AM


What can I say.....terrific as usual!
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