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Saxoness

Senior Member

since 1999-07-18

Posts 1102
Texas

0 posted 2003-09-12 12:13 PM

On the drive home from work tonight
I saw a wall of clouds rising over the horizon
like contained smoke, barely lighter than midnight,
and I thought that it swallowed the city.
I was glad at first, hoping to start over again,
you know, somewhere new.
When I walked in my door
I rushed to the computer to write my vision down
because somehow, it seemed important.

And now I'm not sure what to say next,
because I miss what I thought I had,
because I feel phantom hands on my shoulders,
soft stomach pressed to my back,
the delicate abrasion of red gold beard on my cheek,
but mostly because this isn't the poem
I expected to write.
My fingers hesitate over the keys,
unwilling still, to defeat you.

I'm somewhere in the middle right now,
alive but dead,
breathing but unresponsive.
The turquiose ring around my pupils,
the hazel color you liked the most
is also a wall of clouds rising
like contained regret,
barely lighter than resignation,
and the dam of my "never again"
may yet prove to be illusion.

I've written enough poems about strength.
This one, like me, is in between the lines.
I want to destroy the mementos you left me,
your old black hat,
your favorite book with an inscription,
the blue and white sheets we slept on.
Yet I keep them near me, close by but out of sight.

So here I sit
washing my hands of you with tear drops,
saying the first real farewell,
somehow finding a little bit of oxygen in ink.
I'll put you behind the wall of clouds rising
like imagined love, barely lighter than goodbye.
I've lost you for good, it's true,
But I've found poetry once again.

[This message has been edited by Saxoness (09-12-2003 08:13 PM).]

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

1 posted 2003-09-12 12:26 PM

I remembered "Hairless" and knew I had to read this...I wasn't disappointed..

"I've written enough poems about strength.
This one, like me, is in between the lines.
I want to destroy the mementos you left me,
your old black hat, your favorite book with an inscription,
the blue and white sheets we slept on.
Yet I keep them near me, close by but out of sight.
Altough I outwardly deny it, deep down I know
it's because I don't want to let you go"

Yes..I understand completely..I keep his things in the bag he used for my Christmas presents...even the cardboard wrap around from the first cup of Starbucks we shared...

Susan

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

2 posted 2003-09-12 12:33 PM

"So here I sit,
washing my hands of you with tear drops,
saying the first real goodbye,
somehow finding a little bit of oxygen in ink."

~ very creative wording

"I've lost you for good, it's true,
But I've found poetry once again."

~ and his loss is our gain! Welcome back!

Warm, healing hugs,
EA

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

3 posted 2003-09-12 07:06 AM

Finding your poetic muse is a good thing - finding a simultaneous life direction would be even better - This too shall come... Nice to see you, Angela...

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

4 posted 2003-09-12 08:26 AM

yes..I'd say you have indeed...

enjoyed

Endlessecho
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 398
I live within myself

5 posted 2003-09-12 09:07 AM

This built up better with each line. Wonderful! Very real and honest. The best kind of poetry.

diphycue
New Member

since 2002-10-28

Posts 8
Rolla, Missouri, USA

6 posted 2003-09-12 11:54 PM

As always a wonderful poem...Evoking strong emotion. I wish that you never had to experience that kind of pain.

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

7 posted 2003-09-13 01:04 AM

I've been there. Exactly there. But it's unique for everyone, and if I tell you that, yes, it does end after a time, it won't help at all.

If I tell you that poetry and specifically this site may have saved my life, that won't help either....or maybe it will. Couldn't hurt, so I'll say it.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

8 posted 2003-12-09 11:50 AM

BEE!

Wow..I MISSED this one? HOW? just smack me, okay?

Okay..
"and the dam of my "never again"
may yet prove to be illusion."

amazing how we can't find the strength sometimes to truly keep those walls up isn't it? I wonder if that is a good or bad thing sometimes.

I love the way this tells how what you meant to write turned into what you really needed to write. Does that make sense?

THESE are difficult poems to write. The ones where we finally write the words down about a suject too difficult to write about. Its like the writing is permanent you know...makes you know it was there and it happened...and that you felt..and...GEESH! I hope I'm making sense.

I think you did a wonderful job with this. You know I LOVE the raw feeling of your poetry. Your work is the kind I look for when I go looking for a book of poetry.

enjoyed (duh...understatement)

All of my impurities are right here on my sleeve. This is Me"---Faith Hill

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

9 posted 2003-12-09 11:52 AM

Ohh...and YES YES YES! You DID find poetry again.

All of my impurities are right here on my sleeve. This is Me"---Faith Hill

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