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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2003-09-10 01:57 PM

You always did like to sit
On screened deck
Watching the water
Safe from the annoyances…

But when did you wrap yourself
In a screen
That kept me close
But unable to touch you
Without first
Touching the meshed wire
Of recoil you wove
Strand on strand crimped
Then hemmed with phrases

Empty
As the space between the mesh

I would strip those threads
Metal cloth armor you have stretched
Tightly on the outside

I would be bitten
Or stung
Rather than feel the
Tender parts of me abrade
Each time I grow close
And try
Just try
To reach the you inside

Funny…
From a distance you don’t see it
But it is there
Obscuring your view out
And blinding me
With unraveled ends
Of us

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-09-10 02:05 PM

Ever touch the edge
of screen
as the fine bits bite
along the edge
of a fingerprint?

~*~

Now, that is what you made me think.
After I stopped blinking of course.

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

2 posted 2003-09-10 02:24 PM

WOW! Metaphorically powerful, painfully wanton.

The agony of loss pervades the reader.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

3 posted 2003-09-10 02:41 PM

Just who could top that??

Shoot...I am not even going to try...

Susan

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2003-09-10 02:44 PM

"But when did you wrap yourself
In a screen
That kept me close
But unable to touch you
Without first
Touching the meshed wire
Of recoil you wove
Strand on strand crimped
Then hemmed with phrases"

So well written....I know this feeling.
~Hugs~

~ Summer can't be over...
I still have sand in my shoes ~

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

5 posted 2003-09-10 02:53 PM

I liked the last verse most of all!
Sad how people turn away without ever
looking back.

Your poetry is alive and I always love reading you....

Thanks Cpat~

Tiersdin
Member Elite

since 2000-11-17

Posts 2364
east coast

6 posted 2003-09-10 05:50 PM

another excellent peice, Captain.

Enjoyed.

~Tier

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

7 posted 2003-09-10 06:35 PM

Ron...A pitty the defenses we put up to protect us from the very thing we yearn for. Wonderfully done!

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

8 posted 2003-09-10 06:58 PM

Of all that I have written from your pen...this piece became alive with breath and pulse of it's own.
Quite inspiring...a very deep and tender ache to express so well. TD

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

9 posted 2003-09-10 07:14 PM

enjoy your read

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

10 posted 2003-09-11 12:15 PM

But when did you wrap yourself
In a screen
That kept me close
But unable to touch you
Without first
Touching the meshed wire
Of recoil you wove
Strand on strand crimped
Then hemmed with phrases
===========================

smiling at you.....knew you would find just the right way to make it your own....

"When your own emptiness is all thats gettin thru
there comes a point when youre not sure why youre still talking
I passed that point long ago"

MorninGlory
Member

since 2003-08-30

Posts 175
Oklahoma

11 posted 2003-09-11 12:20 PM

Powerful, I especially like the part where you said, 'funny, from a distance you don't see it'. Isn't that how it always is? Kind of like walking into that glass door .. ouch.

Very nice!

~ becky

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

12 posted 2003-09-11 12:31 PM

Just have to come up with the proper de-fence, Ron...

nicely screened....

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

13 posted 2003-09-11 09:52 PM

Ron, this si absolutely stunning . . .
challenge well met and way beyond
xxoo

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

14 posted 2003-09-11 09:55 PM

some days, I enjoy being screened in
reading this
makes this one of those days

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

15 posted 2003-09-11 09:56 PM

Have you ever thought of giving up your day job and becoming a full-time poet!

The unfortunate aspects of your doing so is that that you don't really come into the money until you're dead! Aye, that's a BIG rub!

EA

[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (09-12-2003 07:19 PM).]

Janette

Member Elite

since 2001-07-20

Posts 2843
Chicagoland for now

16 posted 2003-09-11 10:10 PM

Wow!

This touched me.

always seeking joy, adventure and romance and wishing you find the same

Krawdad
Member Elite

since 2001-01-03

Posts 2597

17 posted 2003-09-11 10:21 PM

Ah, the "original" surfaces!
I wondered what started all of this.
Yes, ephemeral, almost.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

18 posted 2003-09-12 12:15 PM

Funny
From a distance you don’t see it
But it is there
Obscuring your view out
And blinding me
With unraveled ends
Of us

And of course... not funny at all... merely a funnel for the tears seeping from a heart. *S*

I like this very much, Cap'n... very much! *S* Just wish I didn't know what torn screen feels like. *S*

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

19 posted 2003-09-12 01:06 AM

very sad...and hurts me to read it

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

20 posted 2003-09-12 10:11 AM

I would have written mine like yours..only it had been done already...by you.

That is an awful feeling..being screened out.

M

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