navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #28 » bonefield
Open Poetry #28
Post A Reply Post New Topic bonefield Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981


0 posted 2003-09-09 04:56 PM




hiding my
winter thoughts
inside of me

I
will tear this place apart,
open fields
and all

Mind was drought when no rain fell
it leads me somewhere,
but
I lost it
amidst
dust bowls,
and
tasting earth-
it tastes just like dirt,
but then again…

nothing
makes sense anymore
it drops me from the greatest height

This place is broken,
and no one cares
I cannot stop this bitter ache

Fell down today,
I won’t get up-
you can’t make me
I’m am not weak enough to crawl
I want to stop us in our tracks
Ball up and hold my legs,
In case they walk away-
Just like the old man
who’s bones came walking
and took his soul back
to the grave

You turn that color when you die inside…

These walls are gone,
I tore them down
I don’t want shame upon my face
ripping out electric veins:

perhaps the house will bleed us light?
I’ll sleep out in the rain tonight

I want to blast these floors away,
grab
slate pillows,
led blankets
but where would you stand
when there’s nothing at all?
I forgot how weak you
humans are

I don’t care,
this place is breaking,
and it’s my fault

I laugh
and laugh

and don’t tell me that it matters
that we all turn to dust in the end.

(err..yeah..don't mistake me for depressed..lol just one of my..little..moments)


And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

[This message has been edited by Wind (09-09-2003 07:39 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Liz - All Rights Reserved
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
1 posted 2003-09-09 05:05 PM



"Fell down today,
I won’t get up-
you can’t make me
I’m am not weak enough to crawl
I want to stop us in our tracks
Ball up and hold my legs,
In case they walk away-
Just like the old man
who’s bones came walking
and took his soul back
to the grave

You turn that color when you die inside…"

Oh my...sitting here, in awe of your 'little moments'.
You, my dear, are amazing...simply amazing.

Hugs,
~Vicky

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
--Mother Teresa

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

2 posted 2003-09-09 05:06 PM


Fell down today,
I won’t get up-
you can’t make me
I’m am not weak enough to crawl
I want to stop us in our tracks
Ball up and hold my legs,
In case they walk away-
Just like the old man
who’s bones came walking
and took his soul back
to the grave

You turn that color when you die inside…

These walls are gone,
I tore them down
I don’t want shame upon my face
ripping out eclectic veins:

perhaps the house will bleed us light?
I’ll sleep out in the rain tonight

I want to blast these floors away,
grab
slate pillows,
led blankets
but where would you stand
when there’s nothing at all?
I forgot how weak you
humans are

I don’t care,
this place is breaking,
and it’s my fault

I laugh
and laugh

and don’t tell me that it matters
that we all turn to dust in the end.
you are right it doesn't matter... ( chuckling) unless you choose to believe that we are here to learn lessons and return with the thing we have learned and repeat the cycle until in some way we have raised our own levels of awareness and understanding to the point we can then truly effect changes in the world...

but hey... you're the smart one...
you figure it out...
LOL




Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
3 posted 2003-09-09 05:11 PM


Amazing Liz....your talent is so great!
Your writing so far beyond your years.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

      ~ Summer can't be over...
   I still have sand in my shoes ~

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

4 posted 2003-09-09 05:11 PM


This is like OK Computer and Kid A wrestling, and both equally losing and winning.


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2003-09-09 05:11 PM


ummm, I do believe I saw your mind turn about seven times around this one, Liz.  Tell me, are you opting for a publishing scholarship?  You should, you know.
Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

6 posted 2003-09-09 05:12 PM


umm..wow..thank you. very much

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

7 posted 2003-09-09 05:15 PM


I got four replys while I was writing that..lol at Mikey I know thats a good thing..though I thought it was more like the bends or sommething..um..yeah..guessing it was the bleeding lights part..and tearing the walls down..drops me from a great hieght..

now that I look at it...
heh

sunshine..yeah..lol..I will be president some day lol and enchantress..yes sweetie, thanky uo very mch


And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool



[This message has been edited by Wind (09-09-2003 06:03 PM).]

Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
8 posted 2003-09-09 07:20 PM


I want to blast these floors away,
grab
slate pillows,
led blankets
but where would you stand
when there’s nothing at all?

Awesome write Wind! Wish I could write my inner feelings such as you. hugs, Chris

"Hope" is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul ~
            Emily Dickinson




    

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
9 posted 2003-09-09 07:39 PM



Wind?  Sometimes, it's ok
to be serious.  

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

10 posted 2003-09-09 07:43 PM


yeah? I am serious. but..people worrty. like..they ask me if I am ok..and then they don't come back and...they think I'm distrbed or something. so thats what the critique message is for. just my thoughts, but I don't want people to think that I am exeptonal at anything..or think they have to be nice. I can take advice.

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
11 posted 2003-09-09 08:00 PM


"hiding my
winter thoughts
inside of me

I
will tear this place apart,
open fields
and all

Mind was drought when no rain fell
it leads me somewhere,
but
I lost it
amidst
dust bowls,
and
tasting earth-
it tastes just like dirt,
but then again…

nothing
makes sense anymore
it drops me from the greatest height

This place is broken,
and no one cares
I cannot stop this bitter ache

Fell down today,
I won’t get up-
you can’t make me
I’m am not weak enough to crawl
I want to stop us in our tracks
Ball up and hold my legs,
In case they walk away-
Just like the old man
who’s bones came walking
and took his soul back
to the grave

You turn that color when you die inside…

These walls are gone,
I tore them down
I don’t want shame upon my face
ripping out electric veins:

perhaps the house will bleed us light?
I’ll sleep out in the rain tonight

I want to blast these floors away,
grab
slate pillows,
led blankets
but where would you stand
when there’s nothing at all?
I forgot how weak you
humans are

I don’t care,
this place is breaking,
and it’s my fault

I laugh
and laugh

and don’t tell me that it matters
that we all turn to dust in the end. "

~ Those were my favorite lines!


EA

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
12 posted 2003-09-09 08:02 PM


Then my advice would be to start enlisting the help of your counselor, if he or she is interested, or your English instructor, to find a publisher, because you have a gift, a true gift, for metaphor and language, and understanding, and you should be seriously looking at your writing as a way of life.  Unless, of course, you only want to entertain, amuse, and please us...and that is fine, too.  But it was a serious compliment, and I only wish I had developed my talent to your depths when I was your age.

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (09-09-2003 08:05 PM).]

QjQ
Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756
U.S.A.
13 posted 2003-09-09 08:16 PM


Exclellent literary genre presented,

               

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

14 posted 2003-09-09 08:38 PM


thank you guys vey much, and sunshine, that is a wonderful compliement and I am seriously flattered but I am more interested in science and the arts right now. so now it is entertainment, but people change, yanno? I do this for fun and venting out feelings. and to read other's poetry. but maybe in the futue I will change. believe it or not, I am too shy to read this to anyone but my friends. and people here of corse. but I appreciate your words a lot, not all of it really comes from me, it comes from the music. sometimes I wish I could do that. if I am lucky, someday I might But perhaps I explained myself wrong? I just want to be treated as an equal and not the 'child with the gift.' I want writing to be enjoyable, not something to make a living off of. but this topic makes me uncomfortable so I will stop it.

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

[This message has been edited by Wind (09-09-2003 09:10 PM).]

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
15 posted 2003-09-09 09:13 PM



Understood.
Accepted.
Science on.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
16 posted 2003-09-09 09:35 PM


grinning at mike's reply, yeah you have a little Yorke in you, without that eye thingy
Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

17 posted 2003-09-09 09:43 PM


eye twitches..what are you talking about? I think its from lack of sleep. or possibly insanity. or a nice combination of both..grins

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
18 posted 2003-09-09 09:51 PM


lol..hmmm btw reading your signature there didn't know you were a tool fan!? Also those specific lyrics you see what i mean about moral veggie? Life feeds on life grins
Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
19 posted 2003-09-09 10:51 PM


"perhaps the house will bleed us light?
I’ll sleep out in the rain tonight

I want to blast these floors away,
grab
slate pillows,
led blankets
but where would you stand
when there’s nothing at all?
I forgot how weak you
humans are

I don’t care,
this place is breaking,
and it’s my fault"

...wow
just wow.

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279

20 posted 2003-09-10 01:48 AM


Wind...this is amazing. You have fueled my immagination with this piece. Wonderful I say. Keep up the great work. It will open limitless possibilities. Thank-you ever so much for sharing.
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
21 posted 2003-09-10 07:23 AM


Wind - You've done a wonderful job here - You're growing into a very talented poet, young lady - Just keep on writing, m'friend...
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
22 posted 2003-09-10 07:31 AM


Wind
A cycle, is a cycle, as a rose. Enjoyed

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
23 posted 2003-09-10 09:00 AM


Liz, what a dark beauty you have placed before me . . .

Just like the old man
who’s bones came walking
and took his soul back
to the grave

You turn that color when you die inside…

priceless lines, m'friend
xxoo

James_A_Fraser
Senior Member
since 2003-09-03
Posts 972
Out Making Anticlines
24 posted 2003-09-10 10:20 AM


I know those winter thoughts.....and I also know that while spring does come, it's usually after a long season of slush.....


Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

25 posted 2003-09-10 05:59 PM


thank you everybody, very much. And yeah Raphael..just must not have been reading the fine print in the music thread...schism- thats a good song? something like that. I'm feeling disgustipated.I was gonna do radiohead but they were not weird enough for  my current mood. that sounds starnge but..heh

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #28 » bonefield

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary