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Open Poetry #28
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2003-09-09 03:42 PM



Meshed Lives [Cpat Hair’s “Screen Wire” challenge]

Sounds and smells carry through and
LA traffic wasn’t near back then, like it is now

when kids could roam on city blocks
but home was just over there, pink stucco,
Spanish style, low-slung against California blue skies
always green trees never fading,
when people only wore sunglasses for glare,
not stare, purposes

and out there, in the distance, mountain ranges waved
at the sea’s foam just a little west of their foothills

the screen door clattered shut
when Tommy came to show us
how to make bees dizzy, my little brother
all boy-amazed at the bigger kid’s
ability to slow a bee.

Tommy had an old soup can, and his
all-in-one pocket knife
with that little lid remover, like magic,
pried off the other end of that soup can.
Then Tommy produced, from some where,
two small pieces of screen mesh
to hold against both ends,
while he went bee hunting,

and brother tagged along.

I sat in the sandbox, magicking up my own girl things
while just over there, by beanpole hollyhocks
two tow-heads were bent in abject
fascination, now that one lone bee had become
The Victim.

Curiosity, born early, tiptoed me over,
and they, unaware that I stood behind them.  
I watched as Tommy produced a dark green
piece of glass, while an overhead sun
beat down on us, oblivious, we were,
to things like sunscreens and time.

Making promises to my little brother
that oh yes, he, too, could pick up the
dizzy bee, safe enough in a few minutes,
while the green glass did its harm.
When Bee appeared to stumble, never mind
he is dying,
seemingly, to a young heart
simply to be slowing down

leave it alone, Robert

I thought I heard me say that, leave it alone, Robert
as he reached for the bee on Tommy’s say so
what does a girl know, especially a sister
so the swift sting stung sincerely, seriously,
my scream beating a footpath to the screen door,
then melting through it, while
hands made imprints as they met mesh
to push my way in on a door that opened outward

Daddy!!!  Daddy!!!

Salt stings, too, when you hear a brother
shriek in surprised pain, and wasn’t it
my fault that I let him pick up the maddened bee,
knowing now that Tommy knew, too,
a trick to pull on someone younger than
even me,
as Daddy came rushing out, picking up Robert,
demanding Tommy, Leave Now!
then whisking my brother inside
to remove stinger, and sting, to calm the
wildness still hanging in the air,

to leave me wiping my eyes
with mesh imprinted hands
which smelled of metal, dust
and guilt.

© Copyright 2003 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2003-09-09 03:45 PM


well met... and the use of screen in several contexts a nice addition...

Bravo!!!


angelblueyes
Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148
Oklahoma
2 posted 2003-09-09 03:46 PM


WOW!!! I think you've met this challenge  with full force.You never cease to amaze me.
Crystal

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

3 posted 2003-09-09 09:04 PM


you've definitely met this challenge Sunshinygirl.

Fantastic writing.

Maree

fate is not just
whose cooking  smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)


Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
4 posted 2003-09-09 09:16 PM


Challenge very well met!
Much enjoyed.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

      ~ Summer can't be over...
   I still have sand in my shoes ~

Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

5 posted 2003-09-11 08:08 PM


(dang older brothers!)
Another screen I hadn't thought of.  More ideas . . .
Enjoy story poems like this.

Patricia
Member Elite
since 2003-04-06
Posts 2160
Missouri
6 posted 2003-09-12 06:30 AM


Karilea...an impressive write!  By the way, as the oldest of three, I know that guilt!

Patricia

Endlessecho
Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398
I live within myself
7 posted 2003-09-12 09:12 AM


Wow!  I aspire to tell a story as well as you.  

Another beautiful peice of memory.  Thank you!

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
8 posted 2003-09-12 09:28 AM


Woo -- when you pick up a challenge, you throw it a mighty long distance! Turned this one into art, you did.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

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